Conspiracy (Sequel to Hypocrisy)

Chapter 8

Austin's house was big, but I knew that much because I've been here before. I wonder if he shares it with anyone, or if he's alone. But, I couldn't help to remember Austin describing this house when we were younger.

He said he wanted a house filled with windows. Just everywhere, windows. Hell, the whole house could be just one big window, he wouldn't care. At the time, I was concerned about windows because let's face it, if I was going to bang Austin on a table, I wouldn't want our neighbours to see it. But then he mentioned that he wanted it in a secluded area. We wouldn't have neighbours that were right next to us, and that sounded good to high school Alan. I mean, no awkward waves when I go out to get the newspaper or block parties that they would have to invite me to. Yeah, being alone with Austin in our shared house sounded good to my young self.

Now I didn't want him to be here. First of all, it was a bitch to find, first and second time. I don't care that I've been here once, I still got lost and took approximately 7000 wrong turns until I found it (due to google's help). Then there was the problem of finding the fucking door or which one he considered to be the back and front. You see, I wasn't invited so there was no guide to tell me where to go. All the information that I had was that inside, there was an Austin Carlile that I needed to talk to. That's it.

Once I picked the door that I was going to use, finding my words to say was something that I had to finally think about. Over the years I've gotten better at speaking in times where I needed to say something, so I wasn't as worried as I would have been in 2011. Although, I didn't want to overestimate myself at all, because what do I have to overestimate? I'm still a shithead who stutters when in need of solid, clear words.

Pushing my thoughts to the back of my head, I walked to the selected door. Knocking on the door, I waited for the brunette. I found myself shifting on my feet as I heard footsteps and curse words that in doubt belonged to Austin.

When Austin opened the door, he attempted to close it. But, he couldn't do that. My plan would be ruined if he shut me out. Austin gave me a weird look, but I guess my persistence made him stay out and talk to me. As I gathered my words, Austin moved his fingers, signalling for me to talk.

"I don't want to wait." I stated. Austin turned his head in confusion, so I continued. "I can't wait for you to gather yourself. I'd rather have a mixed and messed up Austin then no Austin at all." I explained, biting my lip once I finished. Austin looked away, letting this all sink in.

"Alan, I don't want this to be like last time." Austin said. Now I was the one confused. What was wrong with last time? Austin must have seen my confusion much like I saw his, so he proceeded. "You were broken and I was constantly trying to fix you. You were broken, damaged, sel-." Austin stopped himself.

"Say it." I hissed. "Tell me what you were going to say. Tell me what I am or was." Austin bit the inside of his cheek.

"I can't do that, Alan." He whispered, shaking his head. Rage bubbled inside of me. What was I? Why couldn't he tell me who I was?

"Why not?" I asked, folding my arms across my chest. Austin backed onto the porch, closing the door behind him.

"You can't handle it Alan. You never could handle me telling the truth." Austin admitted, adding venom to the last part of the sentence.

"Stop treating me like a fucking time bomb!" I yelled. "I'm not going to slice my skin because of your words. It's my words that matter! Can't you see that?" I asked Austin, flinging my hands in the air because by now, I was well over pissed of. "Yeah, you could tell me that I'm ugly but for it to affect me, I have to let it! I have to think to my self 'hey, am I ugly?' and from there I confirm it or deny it. I slice my skin because I think I'm something, not because someone said I was." I explained.