Confused | Taemin X Reader | SHINee Fanfic| COMPLETED

Heart breaker

They look like they are talking about something serious. I spy on them and they soon stop talking and sit silently.

I see this as an opportunity and walk towards their table. "Hey Mina!" I greet her as I reach there.

Mina looks at me and smiles. Taemin lowers her gaze. Mina pokes her and she looks at me and gives me a nervous smile.

"Taemin, can we talk?" I shyly ask her. She quickly nods and gets up and walks to the history section of the library.

I follow her right behind. The section has hardly anyone in or near it.

She stops abruptly and turns around. I crash into her and her hands go around my waist to steady me.

"Thank you." I say in a whisper as we both blush and move a little away.

"I wanted to .... ask you about ... what happened in the changing room." I smile at the ground as I ask her.

"I am so sorry if that made you feel something. It was an accident. I would never like you in that way. You should forget about that. It doesn't mean anything. It's just a joke. I am so sorry." She quickly says, looking at me.

What? That beautiful kiss? It meant nothing to you, Taemin? Nothing? It was the most alive I had felt in forever. How would it mean nothing?

"Uhmm. Okay." I say as I hide the tears threatening to slip out at any moment. "I ... will see you later." I quickly say.

I turn around and run out the library to the garden shed. I sit there, in the corner, crying.

I didn't know why her reply made me sad. Why did everything about her affect me so much? Why should this bother me?

It was hardly a kiss. Just a peck on the lips but it was ..... perfect. Absolutely perfect. I felt like spring was blooming inside me when our lips touched.

This shouldn't bother me but it does. She just told me that it meant nothing. Why was I sad?

I get up and wipe away my tears. Suddenly, a thought comes to my mind.

"No one wants you. Don't you see it, Y/N?" The voices in my head spoke.

"Your family doesn't believe you. Your step brother uses you. Your love doesn't have any feelings towards you. You are just there. No one wants you to be theirs." Those dreadful voices say.

My heart sinks down as I realise that this is the truth. No one wants me. I am just a stupid idiot who thinks of stupid fantasies. No one loves me.

"Jake is right. You're nothing more than a pathetic excuse of a human who loves people who will never love her back.

He was right when he said that the only desirable thing about you is that you can be used easily." Those voices say.

My thoughts drift to how I was treated at home. My stepparents were very busy with work and were hardly around.

Jake and I were often home alone. He was very sweet in the beginning. He was probably the best brother I had ever seen.

But, one night, everything changed. When I was fifteen, I was doing my homework while Jake was on the bed looking at me.

He came next to me and said that I should do whatever he asks me to do. He asked me to not get scared as he lifted me bridal style and put me on the bed.

I laughed, thinking it was something fun. But it ended up being fun only for him and a life destroying event for me.

He pushed up my skirt and ran his hands over my thighs. I tried to stop him but he was too strong. He is four years older than me.

He completely took me and used my body for his pleasure. I was too scared to tell anyone in the beginning.

But after he did it a bunch of times, I decided to tell mom but no one believed me.

Jake is the perfect good boy in front of others, no one heard my cries.

I became a toy to him and he used me whenever he wanted and he wasn't soft. He was rough and mean. He called me degrading names and completely killed the person called Y/N.

I dragged on an empty existence solely because I thought I could find an escape. Maybe, just maybe, I could find something worth living for?

And I did, in Taemin. She made me feel alive and complete.

But, none of this means anything to her. Why? Why did I have to live this nightmare?

I sink down to the floor and cry as I remember every time Jake touched me with his filthy hands. Every time I was destroyed.

I cover myself and hug myself as I drag my legs up and slowly cried.