Bullied

Chapter 9

Hello everybody! I'm super sorry that I haven't posted anything in a long time I've just had a writers block and I was very busy. I hope all of you enjoy this chapter.

xxx

"Answer me!" he shouted his voice so loud, it made me flinch.

I could feel all the color draining from my face leaving me a sickly shade of pale. Of course, all the good moments I enjoyed have to be ruined, maybe I was cursed. I opened my mouth and tried to form a response but my brain stopped working, I couldn't think straight let alone form a mature, understandable sentence under his intense gaze. "I-I cant," was all I was able to muster out before I burst into tears.

"Oh, no. Don't cry, its okay," he said," Ashley, how did you get those scars?"

I got off his lap and turned away. I wasn't able to face him like that, I felt so embarrassed. "Tell me. Now!" he pressed.

Suddenly each breath I took felt like a thousand knives in my lungs and I started feeling dizzy. My breathing became really shallow and my vision blurred. I felt a sharp pain in my heart. "Oh no," I thought, "Not this, not now."

I heard Jaden's voice telling me something but it was muffled so I couldn't understand. My heartbeat rapidly sped up and I was finding it difficult to breathe. Then, two strong arms pulled me towards Jaden. I sat down on his lap and he tightly hugged me." Just breathe, everything is going to be okay. Relax, you are safe with me"

He kissed my forehead and pulled me closer, eliminating all of the once empty space between us. It was just his body against mine.

A few minutes later, when my breathing was back to normal and I had calmed down, I got up and stepped away from Jaden. I needed some space. "Ashley, are you okay?" Jaden's voice called out to me.

I nodded and gave him the thumbs up sign, still unable to speak. I walked back to the car leaving him all alone underneath the Willow Tree. I hoped that the car door was open because I needed my phone.

To my luck, it was unlocked. I sat down in the passenger seat, closed the door and took out my phone. To my surprise, I had three missed calls from Bryan and a messages.

Bryan: Ash, I'm worried. Please answer my calls.

"Oh no," I thought, "Poor Bryan, he was the one in a fight yet he's worried about me."

I decided to send a quick reply instead of calling him.

Me: I'm sorry I didn't reply, I didn't have my phone with me. I'm fine, how are you. I'm so sorry about what happened with Jaden, I don't know what his problem i, and I hope you still want to be friends.

I scrolled through the rest of my phone and saw that I had 2 missed calls from my mom. I called her back.

She answered after the second ring. "Honey, where are you? Why haven't you been answering my calls." She asked

"Well, things went a little south at the party, I'll tell you all the details when I get home or in the morning. Jaden showed up and now we are at Willow Tree," I replied.

"Willow Tree? The place you always went to when you were little kids?" She sounded surprised.

"Yea, we talked a bit," I said bluntly, not wanting to talk about it over the phone.

"Yes!! I knew it! There is something going on between you and Jaden, isn't there," she accused playfully.

"Ha-ha mom, very funny. But no, there isn't."

I laughed, my mom and I had a great relationship, I told her everything and she always gave me the best advice. I saw that Jaden had gotten up from his spot and was walking towards the car. "Alright mom, I'll try to be home soon but don't wait up."

"Okay darling, I won't."

"I have to go now, bye mom."

"Bye honey, say hi to Jaden for me and be safe," she told me.

"I will, bye, I love you." I said before I ended the call.

I heard a knock on the window and jumped. It was just Jaden. "Can I come in?" he mouthed.

I nodded and prepared myself for the bombardment of questions I was going to receive from him. Instead, he just sat there silently, not even facing me and I was very grateful for it. "I know you don't want to talk about your scars now but please remember that if you ever need anyone to talk to, I'm here for you. Please don't do anything stupid."

I shook my head. "I won't. Thank you"

"Of course Ashley. Just because we aren't friends anymore, doesn't mean I don't care about you or that you can't talk to me."

I chuckled, "Yea, um, okay. Thanks."

"Are you okay? I'm sorry but I have to ask, I am really worried about you. What happened back there?" he asked softly.

"I'm fine."

He seemed unconvinced, " I really am. I just get these panic attacks sometimes, especially when I'm very stressed and I can't breath well or see or hear but I've learnt to deal with them," I explained, "I have these pills that I take that help me calm down but I didn't bring them with me right now so I just have to breath deeply and try to relax and then, I'll be fine."

He took my hand," I'm glad you're good now. I'm sorry if I overwhelmed you with the questions, I just want you to be safe."

He looked at me as if he was expecting something from me, for me to talk but I stayed quiet. "As I said before, you don't have to talk but know that I'm here whenever you are ready."

I internally rolled my eyes. He obviously wasn't going to let it go so why not just get it over with, right? I sighed, "It's okay, I'll tell you." I swallowed loudly.

I hadn't talked about this with anyone except my mom so I was scared and self-conscious. Was he going to think that I was weird? That I was a freak? Then I remembered that it wasn't like he thought anything else about me or like it was going to be the first time somebody had thought that about me. I took a deep breath and nodded, it was okay and everything was going to be fine. "Um, when-when my dad, when he passed away, I was really sad and then-and then you also left me and that's when the depression took over. I couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, I couldn't do anything and it got a million times worse when the bullying started." I paused.

A strange expression came onto his face. Guilt? Regret? "I started drawing myself away from the rest of the world, even my mom. I didn't, I couldn't tell her about the bullying, she already had too much to stress about, and I didn't want anything to add onto it. I'm not sure she noticed that there was something different about me that something was wrong since she didn't do anything about it but if she did, she probably thought I was just mourning. Then, I started, um, I started harming myself. At first, it was nothing very serious, nothing deadly or as easily visible as on my wrists. I wanted to feel the pain, it made me feel this weird sensation, and I guess it excited me but I didn't want to end my life yet. Then, after months and months of constant bullying, I couldn't do it anymore. My mom was working late one night and I decided that it was the right time. I wrote a note, explaining to my mom how I tried to fight it, how I was extremely sorry and that I wanted her to know that it wasn't her fault and that I loved her to the moon and back."

I felt warm tears dripping down my cheeks as I thought back to that night. "I went to the bathroom, and I sat down in the bathtub. I took out a razor and after a few tries, I slit my wrists. I sat in the tub, with tears running down my face and blood oozing from my cuts until I lost conscience. When I woke up, I was in a hospital room. Everyone around me told me that I was very lucky, that if my mom had arrived a minute later then she did, I wouldn't have been alive. My mom wasn't angry with me but I could feel that she was blaming herself that she didn't see, that she didn't notice that her own daughter was depressed. After a few hard months of therapy and tears, I was back to my normal self, we were back to a family. I told my mom about everything, about the bullying and she helped me through it. I didn't tell her that it was you because she had always loved you and I couldn't bear the thought of her heart breaking any more then it already had."