//you don't know me//finn Wolfhard

chapter 1 - it was all for nothing

"Mamá, look I'm fine okay. It happened and I don't want to talk about it." I'm getting really annoyed with her. I have been here for a month, and she keeps asking me what happened at college, but I just don't want to talk about it. I just don't care anymore.

"Y/N you were doing so well for yourself, can you please just tell me what went wrong." She begs, grabbing my wrist preventing me from leaving my own room.

I just look at her and yank my arm out of her grasp, and walk away. I have learned to cut all my emotions off at some points, so seeing her pleading, sad face didn't phase me one bit, but as I walk away I can hear my mother crying, and that breaks me a bit so I quickly leave to go to my quiet place.

I make my way to the canyons. This is my favorite place in Azusa to go to. I would always come here to get away from all of my responsibilities and to just let all of my emotions out. I sit down on a bolder by the stream, and just look down at the nice, fresh, cool water flowing downstream. It calms me down and makes me feel more relaxed. As I sit and watch the water I start thinking, and reliving memories.

I have never really had many friends in school. I was always too busy with my jobs and helping out at home. I come from a poor family so I had to do as much as I could to help out. I didn't have much time to really go to the movies, or hang out at a friends house, or even just talk for a bit. I put all of my time, and priorities into my school work, and helping my family. I worked really hard every day trying to be better. I became valedictorian for graduation, and I even got into Stanford University, but I still didn't feel proud of myself. Maybe it's because this one person was supposed to be there for all of it. The one person that was supposed to love me more than anything. I wrote them letters, telling them all of the things I have accomplished, and hoping that they were proud of me, but I never got one letter back. I worked my butt of every fucking day, and they didn't even have the audacity to say "good job" or "thank you". I just wish I was better.

Going to college I kept my grades up, did everything I was supposed to do, and I was on top of every single one of my classes, but soon everything became too much. My mood swings were out of control; one day I was waking up early, going for runs, laughing with some of my classmates, having the time of my life. The next day I was struggling so hard to even get out of bed, but I had to push my feelings, and emotions deep down, and put a smile on my face, and keep pushing, no matter how much it physically, and mentally hurt;  I couldn't concentrate on my school work, and my grades were slowly slipping. My roommate saw how much pressure, and stress I was under and invited me to a party, a college party to be exact. No matter how much I declined she would not take no for an answer, so eventually, I  just said yes, seeing that this argument was going to go nowhere.  

    When we arrived at the party I didn't feel comfortable. I felt completely out of my element. I have never been to a party at all, I was always too busy. My roommate went and hung out with her friends, and I just stood in the kitchen with a red solo cup looking awkward as fuck. The cup was empty if you were wondering. I was just going to leave, seeing as I'm having no fun until this guy came up to me, clearly drunk out of his mind, and started hitting on me. I said that I wasn't interested, but he wouldn't take no for an answer. What's it with people, and them not know what no mean. I was going to hit him but before I could, this guy with curly hair that reminded me of Ramon noodles walks up to us. He told the guy that I was his girlfriend, and that he should leave before he gets his ass beat. The drunk guy then gets mad, and tries hitting Noodles, yeah I know weird nickname, but I don't know his name so that what I'm going with Noodles. The guy being drunk completely misses, and falls right on his face, everyone starts laughing, and the guy looks at us. He said that we were going to pay, but when he tried getting up he slipped and fell on his face again. People started videoing it, and Noodles quickly pushed me out of the house.