Hey so I figured out I'm not allowed to talk about you around certain people anymore. I'm gonna start doing this more often again. I don't know what to think anymore. I miss you but I'm not allowed to say it without setting My Justin into a depression. I thought it was okay to open up to him but I obviously can't. Tony I wish you were here. I miss you more than anything. I'm tired of "getting better" and pretending I'm over your death. I'm not. I can't just push it aside and pretend it never happened. I can't pretend you were never in my life.. but I guess I have to for now on. I just wish I didn't have to do this. I wish I didn't have to choose between the love of my life and my best friend. I guess the dead and living don't mix... I guess I'm started to see who's actually there for me. I just wanna hug. I want to hear your voice. I just want you here... maybe that's not what's supposed to happen. Maybe I'm ment to go to you... because the truth is ifyou were still alive Justin would still make me choose between him or you. It's always going to be you or him... I'm so tired of it. I'm tired. I'm so so tired of being tired. I just wanna be okay. Last night showed me more than ever I'm not okay. I don't know if I ever will be.. I love you Tony. Thank you for listening once again.
