Dear Tony,
I've been good about not doing posts for awhile. I've wanted to but there's a point where you gotta stop letting your emotions get to you and let go. It's been almost two years since you left here hoping for a better life. I never stopped thinking about you. Even now I'm sitting her writing this and I can't help but to have all the old emotions come back at one time. I was told it gets easier over time but that's not true. You learn to deal with the pain. I wish I could go back to that day and help you through the hell you were going through. I wish I could've had the chance to tell you how much you did mean to me. I wish I didn't leave you when you needed me most. Ill never forget the last words you said to me. I still get chills every time I hear the words "I'm sorry". One thing I learned from your death was it never really stops the pain. It passes it on into an endless cycle of hurt. I'd give anything to go back to sixth grade and play Uno with our group one more time. I'd give anything to go back to all the baseball games at the park and share one more Mtn. Dew and strawberry laffy taffy. I'd give anything to see your smile when the stars would start to show because boy did you love the stars.. I love the stars.. I wanna go back to the fourth of July and blare The Fray over the sound of the fireworks because we both hated the sound. I'd give anything to be able to get one more hug when I'd finally crack over pressure. I wanna go back to all the pool parties we were kicked out of. I wanna go back to the park benches where we carved the stupidest pictures into the wood. I wanna go back to talking to people who needed a friend because we both were great with words. I want all of this to not be a memory. The truth is when you died a part of me died too. I never expected to have my best friend die. The fact I left you when you needed me eats me alive everyday. I still remember the day I reached my limits. I was going down the same path as you. I couldn't handle being alone anymore. Right about that time you put a person in my life. It took me along time to realize it but he was put here to fix up the dead place in my heart. I will never be the same, maybe that's not a bad thing, but I can truly say I am happy again. I can enjoy the stars again. Mtn. Dew is still my favorite drink. I still hate the sound of fireworks (I can't watch them anymore either). Our pictures in the benches are still there with many more that have been added to it. I still love baseball games. I still where the butterfly pin you got me in the aquarium in sixth grade. I still miss you. I will always miss you. You are my best friend and after almost two years I still ache on this the day but I'm okay. I'm finally okay.
