I'm sorry Ik I keep messaging you but it's hard for me not too ...I'm kinda used to relying on you when I'm upset ...I was going through the Chicago pictures and I still have a bunch of the ..I also still have. The picture of us from kindergarten ...when I glued Macaroni to your head ...it's crazy how innocent people are and you fast forward ten years and everything changes ...everything...people say everything happens for a reason but ..why would god take you away from me ..all its done is damage ..maybe it's because I relied on you too much ..I didn't cry before you died ..I didn't cry at funerals ..or at anything ..I was always the tough one ...I just wish I could've gotten to go to your funeral ..to say goodbye ..I understand that it was close family though and I wouldn't want to intrude ..but Idk when you died part of me died too ..I cry all the time which is weird ..usually I'm the one person who comforts others ..but now they have to comfort me ..I don't like it ..not at all ..I noticed who really was your friend and who wasn't ..Chase was starting drama and messaged me a couple of days ago and said you and him were best friends and that I was making up how close I was to you ...I went off and honestly that's when everything came back to me ..it was like a wave of depression hit me right in the face ...funny how that happens right? But I'm on my way down south ..you know how much in love car rides but it's supposed to rain so that should make it a little more comforting ..I have a confession to make to you though ..yesterday Sam and I broke up and I took a handful of Tylenol ..I'm not proud of it but it happened ..please don't think any less of my ..I need you ...he hurt me ...I haven't admitted this to anyone else but he hurt me bad ...and he doesn't even care ...I'm sorry ik I'm being a drama queen but I had to get that out ..I miss your advice ..and music suggestions ..and your presence I just Fucking miss you tony and honestly I think the reason I dated Sam was cuz he reminded me of you ..only he turned out to be a douchebag ...I relied on Sam and he wasn't there for me ..you were always there for me ..but I guess I deserve this ..I wasn't there for you so why would I deserve someone to be there for me ...well I feel better sorry for bugging you this late at night but I needed me to vent to someone and I thought why change what I'm used to doing ..I pray every night that Ill get some piece of you ..Haven offered me something and I couldn't take it ..might could tell it was too important to her ..I could never do that to someone ..ever I didn't know how close y'all were till then I'm sorry I didn't pay attention ....I got back into drawing ...yes I mean good ones not the half assed ones I did in sixth grade ..I'm talking about my cartoon character ones they look awesome ill have to send you them sometime so you can see ..I always wear my superman bracelets even though I'm 100% team batman ..I'm starting to notice people figuring out why I wear them ...when we went to that shit place the call a school for out competition ..Mandy and I felt you presence ik you were the reason I did so well on stage ..but I don't have a good feeling about the girl who was leading us she got really crappie when we brought up your name..I just wanted to see your locker and see all the bullshit everyone was saying ..Ik you got bullied horribly I remember all the panic messages you sent me about people threatening to hurt you I remember everything ..I may not have the proof anymore but you and I know exactly what happened ..well I really enjoyed having this conversation with you but I need to go we aren't too far from the trailer I love Tony
Maddie Michelle Kalvig
