Belong To Me (Bechloe)

eight.

Beca's POV

I lead Chloe to my room, for some reason insistently holding her hand. Yes, I have no idea either.
"I figured it'd be more comfy here," I explain, gesturing at my bed. Chloe sits down on the edge, looking up at me. Finally I'm taller than her. I laugh a little at the thought, even though being small is really not funny and honestly one of the most irritating aspects of my life. Oh, and another currently being Theo, to be honest.

"What do you want to watch?" I ask as I flop out beside her, grabbing my laptop from the bedside table.
"Can we watch Love, Simon? It's such a sweet movie."
"Sure," I shrug, patting the space beside me. What can I say, I'm cold and I want a hug. I quickly find the film on Netflix and bring it up, pressing play as Chloe snuggles up beside me.

After half an hour or so, I feel Chloe adjusting her position beside me. I look at her and she smiles back at me.
"I meant to ask you earlier..." she says as she gently traces her fingers over one of my hands. "Who is it that you like?"
Laughing a little, I shake my head.
"No one, I guess. I've been too busy to consider dating anyone. I'd make a crap girlfriend nowadays anyway."
"What do you mean?"
"I wouldn't have time to give someone what they need. Plus I obviously do something wrong if it goes from me having a boyfriend who said we'd 'live a West coast life together' to having an ex who lives 3000 miles away. Well, I guess I got half of that lifestyle he promised - it's just I had to do the whole LA thing on my own." I sigh and glance away. It's still a bit of a sensitive subject.
"That's not you though, Bec. It's Jesse's fault for making promises he couldn't keep and besides, stuff like this just happens. Things change over time and if he's not still here now, he obviously isn't meant to be the one."

Instantly, I glance back at Chloe.
"You know, sometimes what you say makes perfect sense," I say, her words going round and round in my head. Chloe flicks that gorgeous ginger hair back dramatically and laughs.
"I mean, I try. It helps if you go through things yourself though."
"Meaning...?" I say, intrigued.
"What do you think? I've had to get over people too."

By now, we've both clearly stopped concentrating on the film. Although my enjoyment of movies has gone up considerably, there's always more interesting things to do. And with Chloe around, there's nothing else I wanna concentrate on except her.
"Like who? You never tend to mention anyone you've dated," I observe.
She seems to tense up a little.
"That's because they're not important," she says quickly, but I'm not entirely convinced. "You don't have to date someone to need to get over them anyway," she mumbles into my shoulder.

I don't know for certain, but it seems like someone's hurt her. I know she can be sensitive, delicate and emotional - not that it's ever been a problem - but this is something else.

"Hey babe, who's hurt you?" I ask gently, taking her hand in an attempt to reassure her.
"It's nothing, you wouldn't understand, Bec." She sighs. "I think I'm going to go get my pyjamas on."
Chloe gets up and walks back towards the living room, leaving me to sit on my bed alone. Did I do something?

Chloe's POV

I feel like an idiot for bringing it up, but I can't help it. I just wanted to see if she'd realise what I'm trying to say. But she doesn't. She never will.

But now she's just going to think me going off is her fault. All I'm trying to do is keep myself safe - if that means hiding my true feelings from her no matter the situation, it's clearly just what I've got to do.

I head into the bathroom with my pyjamas in one hand and shut the door. Sitting down on the lid of the toilet seat, I sigh loudly. Stupidly, I'm on the edge of tears, and I can feel them threatening to make an appearance, regardless of how undesired they are.

This is hard. This is so fucking hard. I just want to be happy and the only person who truly makes me that way is Beca. But it doesn't help that she also brings me the most pain. I thought spending time with her would be enough to satisfy me but all it's doing is hurting me. I'm so stupid. Stupid to think this could ever work as just a friendship. But it obviously never can when one of the people wants more.

I change into my pyjamas, wiping my eyes with my sleeve.
"Get it together, Chloe. This is supposed to be fun. Forget about things that are never going to happen and be grateful for what you already have." I find myself whispering to my reflection in the mirror. I've never been the girl for an effective pep talk though: I end up still feeling like shit.

There's a knock at the door.
"Come in," I mumble reluctantly. Beca pokes her head around the door.
"I'm not gonna ask whether you're okay because that's the crappiest question no matter what mood someone's in, but I just felt bad."
"Don't," I say, cutting her off. "It's not you, it's just home stuff," I lie. Beca nods.
"Look, we don't have to talk about it, I understand. I just want you to be happy," she says, taking my hand and leading me to her room again. Not going to lie, I kind of forgot how physical we were with each other. I'm not complaining... I just know I need to remember not to cross the line.

I climb into her bed, torn between snuggling up to her or keeping things distant by sleeping firmly on the opposite side. Beca turns to face me and I'm reminded all too well of sharing a tent on the retreat. This time though, we're alone, and we're looking straight at each other. I swear something lingers between us for a few seconds before Beca yawns massively and giggles, covering her mouth instantly.
"Sorry about that, I'm actually so tired. Night, Chlo."
"Night, Bec."

I decide to compromise by not actually touching her, but wriggling close enough to her to feel the warmth of her body radiating out under the covers.

I figure that way nothing can go wrong.

-

HEY EVERYONE ☺️ sorry it's been so long, I've been so busy with exams but I'm almost finished now (hooray!)
So hopefully I'll be back to updating regularly soon, hope you enjoyed this chapter x