Belong To Me (Bechloe)

twenty two.

Beca's POV

Sitting alone in a hotel room finalising parts of my track wasn't exactly how I planned surprising Chloe would go. I should've just not woken her up from the sofa. It would've at least avoided what happened upstairs, even if the whole situation still stood somewhere - both of us knew whatever we'd been doing would come into the spotlight eventually.

Why did I push her away? The simplest answer would be that I hate the thought of her touch and I wouldn't be interested in her if she was the last person on Earth. But we all know the truth's so much more complicated.

I know I shouldn't have reacted like that. But the truth is, I don't fully know how I feel. I find girls attractive, but I'm not attracted to them, that's how it's always been. The thing is, Chloe's always just been there, and I've never been close to anyone else in the way we've been close. So, that makes Chloe special.

I want to tell her I'm sorry, but I know she'll just shut me out. That, and also I can't really justify anything right now - not without understanding exactly how I feel, not without knowing my own reasons for doing what I did. It just wouldn't work.

So here I am, sat in a small, semi-decent hotel room in some obscure Arizonian town. They must have hated the fact I was asking for a room at 3am, but I guess they could tell I was in some kind of bad way. I don't think I've ever felt like that - with tears falling down my face as I drove along, the silence of an empty car too much to bear - and I still don't feel much better, in all honesty. But work has to come before sleeping my emotions away, so that's why I'm lying on my bed for the night, refining audio tracks on my laptop at half 4 in the morning.

~~~

Hours later, and I wake up with Chloe still on my mind. More specifically, the second lot of lyrics she sent me that I used for my second verse.

In perfect syncopation
Face to face, tell me
do you feel it too?

I sit up suddenly. Oh my God. She was literally trying to tell me.

"Beca, you absolute idiot," I curse loudly, banging my head against the weak headboard of the bed.

God, there must be other lyrics that have 'HELLO BECA, I'M TRYING TO TELL YOU' written all over them. Including the ones I haven't used yet, but can't get out of my head...

But maybe I should wait
Let this fall into place
Cause I keep going over
the things that could come
with me feeling this way

Oh no. She was feeling that way. A way I've been too fucking oblivious to pick up on.

And what was I planning to use as my response to those words?

But I don't want to play
This emotional game
But when you pull me closer
I cannot deny that I want you to stay

But how can I say that? I pushed her away. And I left. I walked out completely. But all I ever really want to do is hold her, and keep her safe.

Shit. Maybe this isn't a friends thing anymore.

Normal friends wouldn't be this confused, or hurt this much. Normal friends wouldn't want to go back in time and rectify the situation - fully.

Oh fuck, you know this means.

I've just made the biggest mistake ever.

-

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH DRAMA

(also on another note, I've almost finished writing this story, and I'm gonna try to get most of it up before I start college, but I guess we'll see how it goes, I'm defo gonna finish it tho dw! 😂)