everyone says he's bad news. everyone says he ain't one to mess with. everyone says he isn't worth anyone's time. well, everyone also says I have a gift for looking at things in a different perspective.
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D'VOCEAN by EASTGHOST
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I was finally emitted out of the hospital, I was starting to think they'd never let me go. I've been staying at the Curtis', I can't bare to go back home. It would hurt too much to sit in that empty house, and lay in that empty bed. I'd much rather sleep on the couch, at least the house wouldn't be empty. Now that I think about it, I've been in Tulsa for over a year and I've never spent a night alone. I haven't had a bed to myself since I lived in Ohio, it feels different. Even though its not even a bed, its still lonely. I've grown so used to sleeping next to Dallas that sometimes I'll reach over to feel around for him and be disappointed to see I was touching the coffee table again.
I haven't gotten much sleep, I hardly feel anything. I've had my fair share of depression throughout my life, and in fact it wasn't until I met Dallas that I felt truly happy again. But now that he's gone I'm more depressed than ever, I haven't even cried about Dallas. Well I've shed tears without knowing I was, but I haven't taken time to sit down and bawl. I'm too numb to mourn.
I've been out of the hospital for two weeks, I'm not my same self. Everyone who knew me would agree with that, I'm a different person than I ever was. In the past I would hide my numbness with a brute exterior, but now it doesn't take a genius to see the defeat in my eyes. I don't talk much, I'm even quieter than Ponyboy at times. I think to myself a lot, zoning out has became my favorite passtime.
The whole atmosphere is different now, with Johnny being in the slammer and Dallas not being around nobody is really themselves. Two-Bit isn't as humorous, Steve isn't as routy, Sodapop isn't as lively, and Ponyboy is more closed off than usual. Usually he acts this way around strangers, but not the gang. Now he treats everyone like a stranger.
Darry is probably the one who kept the most normal, but he treats everyone like a stranger too. Before you get to know Darry he has these stone cold eyes that could kill, he wears them all the time now. If I wasn't so carefree with everything I would say I was scared of Darry again.
Sodapop tries to talk to me, I guess I've officially quit my job at the DX. Everyone is still working and going to school, meanwhile I either sit and watch cartoons or go out for a walk. Darry says I shouldn't do that because if I get jumped it would do no good to me or the baby at all, but I need a walk sometimes. To decompress, being given I can't smoke or drink. Trust me if I wasn't pregnant I would be a raging alcoholic by now.
Everyone's distant with each other, especially with me. I'm convinced the reason they treat me like a fragile stranger is because I basically am one. A part of me died in that hospital, I don't know if I'm going to be able to get her back. I'm not Poison anymore, I'm just Ivy.
