Perspective《Dallas Winston》

thirty

The Night We Met by Lord Huron

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I prepared myself to walk into my house for the first time in a near month, my stomach churned at the thought. I opened the door and I was met with the smell of what used to be happiness. Memories hit me like a freight train, I could nearly hear his voice.

"Ivy, you are truly a blessing."

"I know."

I wanted to get out of here as fast as I came in, so I went to the coat closet and grabbed cardboard boxes from when we first moved in. I was only taking the things that mattered, I was leaving everything else. I figured I would leave the main furniture for anyone who needed a place to stay. If Ponyboy needed to get out of the house because Darry was yelling at him or if Two-Bit was blasted drunk and needed a safe place to wear off the hangover. I wanted to keep it for those guys, leave my mark in Tulsa for the people I care about.

I started putting my things from the book shelf in boxes, until I stumbled upon my Rolling Stones record. I remembered when Dallas gave it to me, I was so happy. It was one of the first things he didn't flat out steal, I bet it took him a lot to do that. I knew I said I was nearly sick of the songs at this point, but I figured it would be a good send off to play it as I packed.

I put on the record, instantly I got memories of each song. Mainly ones of when me and Dallas were drunk and dancing around in the livingroom like a couple of idiots. One of my favorites was the time Dallas was so drunk he put on my bra to make me laugh and I nearly pissed myself. I started laughing to myself from the memory, never did anyone think Dallas Winston would ever wear a pink bra.

I put each book in boxes, most were astrology ones. I've read all of them inside out and backwards at least 20 times, but most of them were from Dallas so I wanted to keep them close. I wanted to keep anything I had of Dallas close to me.

A piece of paper fell out of one of them, and I raised an eyebrow in confusion as I watched it hit the floor. I set the book in the box with the rest of them and reached down to pick up the note, I opened it and felt my heart break more as I recognized Dallas' handwriting.

I know you've read all these books hundreds of times so I want you to have something knew to read the next time you open one. I'm sorry you're sick, I wish I could help. I've been looking at the sky more recently, that one constellation keeps popping out to me. I think the name was something like saggy tits? Hahaha I'm just kidding, but I do remember you saying something about it being an Archer. I don't know why, it just stands out the most to me. Just like how you do in a crowd. I hope this made you smile, you have one of the most beautiful ones I've ever seen. I love you more than anything, don't forget that. - Dal

I bit my lip; I didn't want to cry. It hurt so bad already, I didn't want the pain to get worse. I read it over so many times I could basically recite it, I could hear his charming laugh after his one comment on Sagittarius. That laugh, I always loved it. If I could hear his sweet laugh just one more time...

I held the paper to my heart, I wanted his warmth so badly. When he held me I was safe, now I'm vulnerable. I'll never have that security again, I'll never hear his laugh or look into those amber eyes. I know I said I hadn't cried over Dallas yet, but now that I was alone I had a feeling now was the time. I folded the paper back up and put it in my back pocket. I looked over and saw that the bedroom door was still open. I slowly walked over, the room smelt exactly like Dallas. The same musky, burnt scent that I acquired as my own over time.

His side of the bed was so different than mine; mine still had the blanket straightened out and the pillow at the headboard. His pillow was on the floor and the blanket was kicked to the bottom of the mattress, even the sheets were wrinkled. He wasn't a peaceful sleeper. The bedroom closet was open and I walked over, all my wardrobe was here. I needed to pack all this up too, but I figured I needed a moment.

I reached in and grabbed Dallas' jean jacket, none of his clothes ever fit me. I hugged the jacket, holding it close to me. I pretended I was holding Dallas, but it wasn't the same. There wasn't the warmth of his grasp there to swallow me. I took a deep breath and wept, holding that jacket so tight I could have acted as an iron.

I backed up until I reached the bed. I took a seat on Dallas' side of the bed, slipping on the jean jacket. It fit over my entire torso, with spare room to fit a small child. Soon that room would be filled I thought.

I laid down on the bed, pulling the note back out from my pocket. I read it one more time, missing him more with every word. I choked up on my sobs until I couldn't hold it in anymore. I bawled, laying in the bed that felt so cold and empty now. I curled up into a ball, crying, crying, crying. No words in the world could describe the pain that came with every tear. I just wanted to be unconscious again, at least I wouldn't feel anything.

I nearly cried myself my own river, the sheet below my face had a large puddle. Never have I cried so much in my entire life, I wanted to drown in my own tears. Saying I missed Dallas didn't nearly describe how much I needed him. I longed for his embrace, I wondered if I was even going to survive without his touch. He left my life as fast as he came into it, I couldn't even say goodbye. I should have been shot, not Dallas. Then Johnny wouldn't feel so bad...or maybe he would I don't know. But I just want Dallas to be alive, even if it means I'm dead.

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1108 words

I'm not kidding, I'm crying as I'm writing this. I also finished reading The Outsiders for the 9th time (not an exaggeration) the other day and I cried in class, it gets me everytime. My friend looked over at me like "omg are you okay?" And I just sniffled like, "they deserved better." I wish I can say I made this up.
- Julie