S.O.S

33.Maisie

The rain poured heavily, dark sky's foreshadowing the fact that the funeral had begun. It was painful as i waited for the priest to finish his speech and allow the eulogys to begin. Jay was first. he fixed his tie as if eva was actully watching.

"hello..my names jay I'm eva fiance and i just wanted to say a few words. Dear eva i hope your safe and happy.
i love you,i don't think i can ever express how much love i truly have for you. From our first date to our last your bright twinkle and beautiful smile have held me together through tough times. Life is hard but when you have someone as precious as you life becomes more of an adventure than a journey.
Im sorry if there were times where my love may have not made you feel complete, I'm sorry for every joke i made about you. i know your looking down at me right now and smirking at the fact that im acting like a big baby but thats the problem i never really expressed my feelings and now it's over, our time is up.
i hope you know that i don't feel sadden that your gone but angry because i didn't save you....i shouldn't have let you go, i'm just glad that the last words you heard were i love you because i wasn't lying when i said that.. you have opened my eyes and heart to the outer world and for that i say thank you..thank you for choosing me out of all the other guys. thank you for just being there.... i love you"

he dropped a calla lilly on her casket and stepped behind me to let me though. i could see he was fighting i just hope he doesn't give in.

"hi im Maisie eva sister. Eva was beautiful inside and outside. Her mouth was almost as big as her heart. I remember when she promised me that i will never suffer because she will suffer everything for me and then protect me. Only problem is that i didn't hold up my part of the deal..all i had to do was to be a good sister yet i still failed that.
When she called me to live with her i felt as if that was my second chance that's why i was so panicked with the wedding. i WANTED it to go amazing so that everyone can see that im not just Eva's sister but now i consider it a privilege being called Eva's sister. I have been so lucky to be able to spend these last 25 years with you. I need you to know that i still cherish every memory we ever made and secret you have told me. All the life lessons you have taught me will be kept close to my heart. Dear Eva..my sister,my partner, you and me were ride or die..you may have died so i promise that i'm going to keep riding for both of us.We now have stopped talking but that doesn't mean i won't think about you every second of the day.....i love you"

with that i dropped my flower and slowly placed myself beside my mum as she got ready.

"thank you everyone for coming..its going to be hard but we will get through it. Eva baby,darling.. my sweet little angel. I know i never acted like i cared but i did and still do. when you were 8 your father died after that i found it hard to cope and then slowly i felt myself rotting away but then you made me realise that there is more to life. I remeber when you were 18 and left to travel but came back so quick because all you found was heartbreak and misery. A part of me is jealous that you father gets to be with you up in heaven but theres also a part thats proud of the person you have become and that finally you can join your father and let him see what a wonderful daughter we raised...i guess im just-...."

She tried to continue but when the words didn't come out, the tears did. The mourning was supposed to be something dignified but she cried like a child, noisily, with running snot and choking sobs and she was not ashamed , It was more than crying, it was the kind of desolate sobbing that comes from a person drained of all hope. She sank to her knees at the casket getting lowered into the ground not caring for the damp mud that dirtied her dress.

Her tears mingled with the rain and her gasping wails echoed around the gravestones. The pain that flowed from her was spreading as more people started fighting the urge to cry. At her side stood jay struggling to keep his tears silent, looking up to the watery skies and heaven beyond. He had to believe his baby was safe up there, comfortable and warm. To look down would be to imagine her cold in a box all alone.