Suicide Note

Chapter Sixteen

Entry #5...

This must be one big joke to you, my life. Showing your face after what you've done to me... showing no sympathy in fact you taunt me like you've won some great big prize. I've spared you from Rakim for now but after he reads this... I pray for you.

Christopher...

"Chris you sure you're alright? You've been tense since we've gotten down here... someone making you uncomfortable?" Rakim asks softly as he cups my face in his hands. Shaking my head I turn my eyes away from him. "Hey," he calls out, dragging my vision back to him. "I can see right through you baby, I'll let this go for now because I don't want to bother you. When you're ready you can tell me anything, anything." He whispers before stepping a little closer to me. He places his lips on mine quickly, us sharing a quick kiss before releasing me. I smile softly and watch as he makes his way back into the backyard. I bite into my bottom lip as I watch him engage with my family. They loved him and I couldn't be happier about it. Turning my body I bump into another one.
"Sorry..." I say softly before looking up at the person. His smirk makes my heart sink and I take a few steps away from him.
"You and Rakim real cute." He says, eyeing me up and down. I swallow the lump in my throat before trying to get around him. He blocks me with his body before placing a hand on my hip. Furrowing my brows I quickly swat his limb away. 
"Please don't touch me." I say softly and he laughs at me.
"I thought you liked the way I touched you Chrissy." Jayden says before stepping closer to me.

My back hits a wall and I stare at him intently.
"That was before you did what you did to me." I spit and he licks his lips, a smirk still on them.
"I don't think you hated it that much... did you Chris?" He cocks his eyebrow at me before moving closer. "Ain't it what you wanted? You were begging for it. The little looks you gave me every time I caught you staring. The blush that crept across your cheeks every time I noticed you. The way you would melt into my hands like some putty when I held you close." His face is hovering over my own, breath fanning across my lips. My stomach twisted and my throat tightens as I feel the urge to vomit. "You loved my lips on your neck... my lips anywhere on you."
"I didn't ask for what you did!" I croak, tears building up in my eyes. "I never gave you consent and you embarrassed me! You hurt me physically and emotionally when people found out what you really were! Is it so hard to admit that you're gay? That you really enjoy the company of another boy?" I cry out, my voice cracking as tears leak down my freckled cheeks. His jaw tightens and he leans back a bit, glaring down at me with those bright grey eyes.
"You loved it." He grits and I shake my head, pushing him away from me.
"You hurt me, you forced me." I choke out and he looks me up and down before opening his mouth to say something. He shuts it back and begins walking back towards me. The back door opens and Rocky slips himself back into the house. His face is hardened and his eyes are on me.
"You alright babe?" He ask me, ignoring the fact that Jayden was standing a few feet away from me.

"I'm better now." I whisper and he steps in front of me. His hand cups my cheek and he swipes a tear away.
"Here, lets get you outside into the sun, your family is waiting on you. They miss you Christopher." He says, eyes starring deeply into my own. He was telling me something, telling me that he knew everything. I shake the thought out of my head but the look he gave me was eating at me. He continues to stare, his lips in a firm frown, hand still on my cheek caressing me.
"Okay..." I respond softly and he releases my face from his hand. He brushes past Jayden and I keep my head down as I follow behind him. My hands quickly wipe the access tears from my cheeks before we reach the outside. My family members are spread around the backyard, red solo cups in their hands as my one of my uncles hovers over the grill. A few people have plates of food while others wait for whatever else needed to be cooked.
"You hungry Chris?" My aunt asks as she comes up next to me. As I go to respond with a no Rakim nods his head.
"Yeah aunty, we could eat." He says and she smiles at him.
"You guys are the cutest, I'll make you two a plate, go ahead and take a seat at one of the tables." She says before dismissing herself from us.
"Stop abusing yourself when you're upset. Starving yourself until you feel like your worthy of eating again isn't good for you and it's not good for me. When you're hurt I'm hurt." He says before pulling me over to a table with a few of my female cousins. I lick my lips and stare at our hands that were still tangled together.