Suicide Note

Chapter Twenty-Three

Christopher...

  Running his finger over the scar on my lip, Rocky stares down at me, his brows furrowed as he holds my face in his hands.
"I'll be okay..." I say softly and he lets a breath out of his nose before clenching his jaw.
"Why didn't they do this to me?" He asks and I scan his face for a minute.
"I'm more vulnerable than you... that's my biggest flaw." I say and he shakes his head before placing his forehead on my own. "Please don't act out on this." I ask him as his eyes close. His thumb caresses my bruised cheek before his lips press against my forehead.
"I won't... I don't want anything else happening to you..." He says softly and I grip his thigh lightly.
"This isn't your fault Rocky." I say and his eyes open to meet my own.
"You can say that all you want but if I didn't attack him that day, we wouldn't be here right now." He mumbles before sitting up. I remove my head from his chest and scoot over on the bed, allowing him to get up. Swiping my glasses from the side dresser, I quickly wipe them off on my shirt before slipping them on my face. "What happened to your contacts?" Rocky asks as I grip the remote to his T.V
"Had to order new ones." I reply softly and he nods before heading towards his bathroom.
"I'm gonna hop in the shower... you wanna go hang at the mall or some?" He asks me and I twist my lips up.
"Uh, sure." I reply, my voice raspy and he gives me a light smile before disappearing into the bathroom. I hear him turn on a shuffle of R&B classics before the shower starts running.

Staring at the T.V screen, I quickly loose interest and decide to join him. I click the T.V off and toss the remote onto his bed before making my way into the bathroom. The steam seeps out of door, into his room as I open it up. I shut it gently behind me and begin to strip myself of my clothing. Once I'm naked, I kick my things beside his and pull the glass door open. Rocky has his head tilted back, water running down his face and over his braids.
"I was wondering when you were coming." He smiles, those perfect rows of teeth showing. Blushing lightly I reach for his waist. His eyes open slightly and I step closer to him before resting my head on his shoulder. My breath fans against the side of his neck lightly as he his arms wrap around me. I allow my hands to feel his muscular back as his grip my backside lightly. I let out a small chuckle and kiss his skin before pulling back.
"Sometimes I wonder what it'd be like if I just... disappeared." I say lightly and Rocky raises his brows at me.
"You mean like... run away?" He asks and I bite into my lip before shaking my head.
"No, like dying." I respond and his Adam's apple bobs before clenches his jaw.
"Don't talk like that." He scolds me and I drop my head.
"But if I were gone... all my problems would be too." I whisper and he grips my chin and makes me look up at him.
"Christopher," He scolds, "If your gone that would only create more problems. Think about your mom... you know how she would feel? Shit I wouldn't even be able to breathe without you so I know your mom would probably die from heartache..." He says to me as his hands hold up my face.

"I just want it all to end... I left my old school to get away... I left a place where I'd lived my whole life. Nothing has changed, people still taunt me and I'm still getting my ass beat for simply being gay!" I vent and Rocky sighs before releasing my face.
"Chris... I know it's hard but sometimes we have to move on... escape what's been holding us back from being free. You can't do that if you're holding onto the past." He voices and I place my hands back on his waist.
"Will you help me escape?" I ask softly, my eyes searching his own as he stares back at me. It takes a moment but he nods as his tongue swipes across his lips.
"Yeah... I got you... I'll always have you." He mumbles before leaning forward to place a kiss on my lips. My eyes close and I press my body into his own. The water slides down us, causing our bodies to gleam in the dim light of the bathroom. "Remember when we first got together?" He asks against my lips as he pushes me up against the tile wall.
"Yes..." I whisper as his hands begin to roam my skin and he captures my lips quickly once more.
"I told you that I'll help you love... do you love me Chris?" He asks, leaning back to look at my face.
"You know I do." I say as I pull him against me again. The feel of his skin was amazing against my own.
"Can you say it for me?" He asks as his hands come up to rest on each side of my head.
"I love you Rocky." I say boldly, allowing my hands to cup his neck.