Stars {Complete}

Thirteen

WARNING- MENTIONS OF: RAPE // UNDERAGED // SUICIDE

23 July (3 months later)

"Hey! You've reached Phil! Please leave a message after the noise"

"Hey Phil" Dan mumbled "I know you'll be super annoyed that I have been leaving you these voice messages every day-" Dan adjusted his Welcome To The Black Parade CD. "I just, I miss your voice? I guess hearing the same message every day, your voicemail one, its a comfort."

Dan paced around his room, his chair was under his door handle to avoid his mother coming in

"I won't be leaving these for much longer- you know. Soon I won't be leaving them." Dan smiled wistfully "Soon I will be happy. You're coming home for a day, tomorrow. Then you're off again"

Dan sighed. He ended the call

Soon couldn't come fast enough.

<><>

"Phil!" Dan smiled, running into his arms. "God I missed you"
"I missed you too, bear" Phil kissed Dan, since nobody was around them. His hand went up into Dan's hair briefly.

"You give the best kisses" Dan smiled
"Compared to PJ, anyone could give the best kisses" Phil laughed
"And how would you know" Dan teased
"Based off how you've described him, I would assume his kisses are as shit as he is"
"Wow- Bit rude, Lester" Dan grinned. He couldn't help but be happy around Phil;

Except Phil was leaving tomorrow again, for the rest of fucking summer
Then Phil was going to University
And Dan was going to a different University, over an hour away
Without Phil.

Dan had no way to visit him,

Alone,
Again.

<><>

Dan stared at his computer screen. It was three days until Phil came back from his second holiday.
Dan couldn't stand another fucking day without Phil. Let alone three.
Dan began clicking on his old keyboard

Dear Philip Micheal Lester

"No- To formal" Dan muttered

Phil.

"No- not formal enough"
Why couldn't he get anything right?

Dear Phil Lester

A good middle ground.
Everything else came naturally.

Dear Phil Lester.

I miss you, God, I miss you so much. I miss everything about you.
Yet I couldn't fucking stay long enough to see you again.
Three days.
That's all I'd have to wait to see you again.
That's only 72 hours.
But I couldn't fucking do it. Phil.
I'm fucking going back to PJ. Why the fuck am I going back to him? Why do I always have to go back to him? He abused me. He tried to have sex with me. He was nothing compared to you but fucking hell- He's like a drug.
I think you know exactly what 'going back to PJ' means.
I'm sorry.

You know that ever since I got diagnosed with depression, I've had those meds
Those meds I promised I would take?
I haven't.
I'm so fucking sorry. I knew this day would come and I'd need them.
I couldn't stay happy.

But don't think I ever wasn't happy. I was happy, I swear.
You made me so happy,
You were my happy.
You were every single living star shining all at once.
I was every dead star, to you (and others) I looked perfectly alive.
But oh, how they were deceived.
Because Phil. Even when I looked so fucking alive
I was dead.