Stars {Complete}

Fourteen

Phil opened the door to Dan's house, roses in hand.
"Dan?" He called out, unable to wipe a smile from his face. He was surprising Dan. He knew that Dan's parents wouldn't be home, he had learned their schedule.

"Phi-" He heard a quiet noise from upstairs. 
"Dan?" Phil called out again, walking up the stairs. He waited to hear another noise, but there was none.
"Dan?" Phil walked to his bedroom door, it was open slightly. His computer was on, it seemed that he was doing his homework.

No Dan, though

Next, he went to the bathroom door, which was shut. That was unusual for Dan's house. Normally Dan's room had the closed door.

Phil knocked on the door. Nothing

He slowly opened the door.

Everything.

"Dan-" Phil ran over to him. He didn't know what to do or say. Dan was barely breathing.
Phil pulled his phone out, calling his mum

"Hey hone-"
"Mum- I- It's- Please- Dan- He- I-" Phil was sobbing
"Breathe, honey. What happened to Dan?"
"I- I don't know" Phil whispered "But-"
He looked around the floor, antidepressant containers littered the area
"He- he overdosed. He might be okay if we- if we-"
"I'll call the ambulance. If he's still conscious, make conversation."

The call ended.

Phil looked down at Dan.
His cheekbones were so prominent, his skin was so close to his bone. Phil wasn't sure if Dan had any body mass that wasn't organs and bones.
Dan was wearing a black teeshirt and grey shorts. An extremely un-Dan-esque outfit. It showed his scars so obviously.
He wanted to show his pain when he died.
"Babe-" Phil whispered, stroking Dan's curls. He couldn't think of anything more to say, other than "Don't worry, bear, they'll patch you up so soon"

Dan's face was littered with light freckles, his eyes were closed. He seemed at peace, happy- almost. Phil waited for the ambulance.

<><>

Phil walked into Dan's room. It was cold and quiet. He wasn't at Dan's house often, but when he was the entire room was alive.

He approached the computer, to save the word file that Dan had made- Until Phil began reading.

Dear Phil Lester.
Phil raised his eyebrow. This wasn't what he had expected.

I miss you, God, I miss you so much. I miss everything about you.
Yet I couldn't fucking stay long enough to see you again.
Three days.
That's all I'd have to wait to see you again.
That's only 72 hours.
But I couldn't fucking do it. Phil.
I'm fucking going back to PJ. Why the fuck am I going back to him? Why do I always have to go back to him? He abused me. He tried to have sex with me. He was nothing compared to you but fucking hell- He's like a drug.
I think you know exactly what 'going back to PJ' means.
I'm sorry.

You know that ever since I got diagnosed with depression, I've had those meds
Those meds I promised I would take?
I haven't.
I'm so fucking sorry. I knew this day would come and I'd need them.
I couldn't stay happy.

But don't think I ever wasn't happy. I was happy, I swear.
You made me so happy,
You were my happy.
You were every single living star shining all at once.
I was every dead star, to you (and others) I looked perfectly alive.
But oh, how they were deceived.
Because Phil. Even when I looked so fucking alive
I was dead.

I think you knew. I think you've always known.
You said to me you were drawn to interesting people.
I guess my depression made me pretty interesting, huh? Since you seemed to love me
And you wouldn't love me if I was just plain boring Dan.
I'm interesting, aren't I?