See the Stars with You | ✓

TWO | May 5th, 2001

TWO

-14 YEARS

May 5th, 2001

Everyone crowded in our living room claps as my brother blows out the candles, rolling his eyes. One's shaped like an, um, one, and the other's a three. They're both blue, but the three's melted so it looks like a goose.

I didn't get a four for my birthday last month. I got regular old candles. But they were green, and green's my favorite color, so that's okay.

Just not olive green. That color looks like Billy Joe's sleeve when he has a cold and a mouth full of broccoli. His real name isn't Billy Joe, but I call him that because it makes me laugh.

I look at Ma, who's going upstairs, holding up her sari so she doesn't trip. The stairs make squeaky noises. The third step has a hole in it that she keeps yelling at Pa to fix, but he says that he couldn't care less. Also, I think it's because we don't have enough money, but I'm not allowed to talk about that because it's grown-up stuff.

Yesterday, Ma gave me a shell that's really shiny, and an envelope that I'm not supposed to open yet. An envelope's just a sheet of paper that you fold over to put more paper in so it looks cool. But it wasn't that fun because she was crying the whole time. She kept making me promise not to open it until it was time, over and over again. So I promised, even though I really wanted to open it, and I didn't really get what she meant. How am I supposed to know when it's time? Then she hugged me and told me she loved me, so I told her I loved her too, because that's what you're supposed to say. And then she cried even harder. I probably shouldn't have said that. She usually acts like this when it's dark out, and she yells at Pa and throws bottles at him.

I'm not supposed to talk about that, either.

She didn't cry when she gave my brother a present today. She was much calmer, like she was last year. That was when Pa started staying at home more.

She gave my brother an envelope, too, and something else, but he started yelling and he threw them on the ground.

He kept shouting that he knew what she was going to do, but I don't know what he's talking about. He never tells me anything.

He even said that he hated her, and that he was leaving, which usually makes her cry, but she was still calm. It scared me a bit, because he won't take me with him, and I don't want to be alone with Ma and Pa, especially when they have their friends over.

I kept asking him if he would take me with him, till he finally asked me why I was so annoying, and if I would ever shut up.

Billy Joe's parents don't let him say those last two words, but mine don't really care.

I didn't ask him to take me along after he said that.

I look for him. He's rolling his eyes again. He's telling Pa that this party's lame and he's way too old for this. Pa just chuckles, shaking his head. 'Chuckles' is a fun word to say.

Chuckles.

Chuckles.

I play with the shell in my pocket.

I'm bored. None of my friends are here. Pa doesn't let me have them over because he doesn't want them around Ma's friends. It doesn't really matter though, because my friends aren't allowed to come here, either.

Pa goes upstairs, making the stairs squeak again. He says they 'creak,' but to me, it sounds more like a squeak. Not a creak.

Someone sits down next to me. It's my brother. He gives me a small smile. I don't think he hates me anymore. He opens his mouth to say something, when everything happens really, really fast.

Someone upstairs screams. It sounded like my Pa. My brother runs upstairs and I try to follow him, but there are too many people and I can't pass through them because they're all trying to go up at the same time. Everyone's talking really loud in so many languages, I don't know what's going on. I can't see anything and it's really hard to breathe, and everyone's pushing really hard. My foot slips and one of my legs goes down the hole in the third step but no one stops to help like they're supposed to. I can't move now and I can't go upstairs or downstairs and it's really frustrating and I want to cry, but my brother calls me a baby when I do, so I bite my cheek.

Everyone's yelling and screaming, and some people are crying. I smell something really bad. Someone must've thrown up. Someone else lifts me out of the hole and I run upstairs without saying thank you, even though I'm supposed to. Everyone's in the room we all sleep in. My brother sees me and yells for me to stay outside. I always listen to him, but today, I just don't feel like. He's been really mean and he got candles that looked like numbers. Even if he didn't like them.

I go in anyway, to see what's going on. I wish I hadn't.