See the Stars with You | ✓

FOURTEEN | 26th May, 2015

FOURTEEN

May 26th, 2015

I take a deep breath of the salty air, looking over the roaring blue sea. The wind whips at my clothes, making my fingers slide up and down my arms. My skin is smooth but for the goosebumps rising against the cold.

My shirt is blue and my shoelaces are pink. Still in their place.

The three Korean tourists next to me chat animatedly as they pose for pictures in front of the blue sky and the foliage surrounding this hill. One of them pretends to be falling as she makes a wild expression, her left hand anchored to a rock out of the frame.

I'd love to see what their expressions would be like if I jumped off this cliff right now. Priceless.

A strip of sand to the left, down below, keeps the ocean in check. It's empty, now. That's a first.

I fail to see why people prefer the beach, when they can have this. A view of the ocean much broader than theirs. The salty wind blowing your hair to the side. The tranquility.

I guess they can't have that last bit if they all come here, but it's nice anyway.

"They should have a bench here. That's what this place needs. A bench."

I glance to my left before fixing my gaze to the sea again.

The tourists are gone. It's just the two of us now.

"A bench would ruin it," I tell the Boy, if only for the sake of aimless banter.

He shrugs. "I'll bring a chair next time."

I shrug and close my eyes. Just for a second. Or two. Just to feel the wind, cold against my cheek. The wind howling in my ears, along with the crash of waves against rock.

*

It's dark.

I hear voices. My arms stay unmoving, against my sides, as more voices float above my head.

I can't move.

Am I dead?

They finally stop, and their footsteps grow quieter. Can someone please tell me if I'm dead? It's slightly concerning.

The voices return a while later, but none of them belong to him.

"Is she awake?" No, but she could be dead.

"Don't be stupid, can't you see her eyes closed?"

"No, but she could be awake, Luca."

"Do you even hear yourself?"

"Lu—oh look, she's waking up."

I squint, trying to make out the silhouettes of the people crowded around me.

Oh God, I realize, once my vision clears, and I've established that I'm not dead. It's a lot of people.

"Are you okay?" Tejal asks.

"Don't be an idiot, Tej, she's got cancer. Do you think she's okay?"

"She looks fine to me," someone else says. "You look great, honey."

"Can I keep the flowers on the table? I think I'm allergic to pollen." Rida says.

"Who gave her the flowers?"

"Okay, but are you, like, okay?"

"Cancer!"

These guys came for me. They're a lot of people.

I swallow. How can I face them after all I've done, after I shut them out for months? Will they bring it up, or pretend it never happened? My heart races for reasons unknown to even myself.

My throat is tight, but I still manage to force out the words, "I love you guys so much." This time, I've gotten myself together. No tears slur my words to the point of incoherence. My brother would be proud.

I'm enveloped in arms at once, and everyone's telling me that they love me too, that everything's going to be okay and I want to believe them. I should believe them. They're here for me. I let out a shaky breath. They act as if the last few months never happened, and I'm grateful.

But they don't belong here. They're not supposed to be here. They shouldn't see me like this, no one should. I'm trapped here, laid bare. Seeing them makes it all real. These two worlds I've been juggling never should've met.

When—if—I recover, will things go back to the way they were? I wonder if I'll shut myself out again. If things will be awkward, after so many months. Being around Luca is still awkward, though no one's brought up Skinny Jade from the Group Project yet. Skinny Jade from the Group Project is none of your business, I remind myself. She's Luca's girlfriend. Not yours. I grit my teeth, wondering how Luca managed to move on so quickly, when I couldn't. I shake my head and suppress the dread deep down in my gut, threatening to rise up my throat. Now is not the time to feel sick. Not when all these people are here. For me.

I plaster a smile onto my face.

A/N

What would you do if you woke up unable to move?