See the Stars with You | ✓

SIXTEEN | 27th May, 2015

SIXTEEN

May 27th, 2015

HARLIN'S POV

I'm covered in my own barf before I know what's going on. Olivia closes her eyes for a second, sucking in a breath.

She stops short when the smell hits her. She doesn't say anything, though.

The smell alone is enough for me hurl again. What am I, three? I can't even control my barf for a minute. Olivia walks away to get some cleaning supplies. And some fresh air, too, I suppose. What must it be like, to go around sick people's barf all day long? You couldn't pay me to do that. Though Olivia does get paid to do that, I guess.

"Are you okay?"

Blood rushes to my cheeks as I look up.

It's the Boy. Of course, it's the Boy. He couldn't have picked a better time to come, could he? Right now, when I look pathetic, the front of my gown covered in my own vomit. I clench my teeth, feeling sick again. Don't cry don't cry don't cry. My nails cut into my palm as I try to compose myself. Smile, I tell myself. Smile as if you aren't covered in your rancid vomit. Like it's a funny coincidence that the boy and the vomit happened to be in the same room at the same time.

"Don't be stupid, of course I'm not okay," I growl instead. I'm tired of pretending to be okay, but I'm still mad at myself for not listening to, um, myself.

"Oh, okay," the boy says. "I kinda figured, but I thought I'd ask you anyway. So, how's the new room?"

"Dude, get out," I yell, my voice higher than usual. What's wrong with him? How does he expect me to have a casual conversation with him when I'm covered in vomit? How can he have a conversation with me when I'm covered in vomit?

The boy seems to realize that I'm indeed, covered in vomit. "Oh, um, okay. I'll see you later?"

"Just go," I say. "I don't want you to see me like this, okay?"

He doesn't respond, thankfully, choosing instead to twist his fingers awkwardly as he leaves.

My stomach clenches with guilt, seeing him walk away. Or maybe it's my gut telling me it's ready for another cleanse.

Why do I keep pushing people away, even when they finally want to come?

*

I'm all clean, watching a video on cancer survivors when Cara takes a seat next to my bed. I put the phone down. "Hey," I say, making an extra effort to smile.

"Hi," she smiles back. "I'm sorry, I don't have much time to stay, but I wanted to give you this." She presses a book into my hands. It's a self-help book. Even she thinks I need help. Great.

"My step-mother gave this to me before she married my father. And it really helped me get through some tough times, you know?"

I nod, not knowing what to say.

"I found this book again when I was going through my old stuff and I thought you'd like it," she says and gives me another smile. I give her a smile, too. She doesn't give me another one, because she's still holding this one. I drop my smile because it's starting to hurt.

"Thanks, Cara," I say. "I really appreciate it." And I do. It's not every day someone sees a self-help book and thinks of you. Okay, I know I sound ungrateful, but I'm really not. It's just the Boy's vile sense of humor rubbing off on me.

"You're going to love this book," she says, getting up. "I've got to go now, but you'd better finish this book before I come back with your dad and tell me you love it, too." She gives me another smile. I give her one, too. She gives me an even bigger smile, so big that there's no room for her eyes, before she leaves.

*

The day for my first treatment is set. It's in two weeks. I feel oddly excited. Will I feel a change after just the first treatment? I don't think so. But what if I did? That would be so cool! Then I'd just have to wait for my bones to heal a bit more, and then I could go home. I can't wait to go back and live my normal life again. Sure, it might never be the same, but I'll take what I can. I pick up the phone and continue the video I was watching.

These guys seem to be okay, now. You couldn't look at them and guess they had cancer a few years ago. Some day, that'll be me.

Somehow, I feel like I owe it to Lucy and the rest. Like I have to live, or all they've done will go to waste. I mean, sure, I want to live, too, especially after Lucy's visit, but I don't want to let all these people down. Lucy said our whole neighborhood pitched in. People from school, too. People I've hardly spoken a word to. People I've only seen in the hallways. People I've even forgotten over the years.

They all tried to make a difference. It almost makes my gratitude to them overpower my anticipation for the results.

They've just added one more reason for me to stay.

*

The Boy finally comes back, a couple of days after the whole vomit thing.

"And here I was, thinking you'd abandoned me," I give him a small smile.

"Never." He puffs out his chest. "So, about the—"

I hold up a hand. "We do not speak of that."

"I was gonna ask you about the Noodle Incident, but okay," he lies shamelessly. "Anyway, I have topics of far more importance to discuss with you."

"Were you reading Jane Austen again?" I interrupt.

"How do you know?" he says immediately.

"You talk like that after you read her books," I grin. "Though I didn't know you read them that often."

"Often? Often?" he mimics, trying to change the topic. "There's a 'T' in 'often,' do you realize?"

"Sure, I do," I say. "Now, about this Jane—"

"You're supposed to pronounce it, you know? It's there for a reason."

"I didn't know we were going to have a discussion about this tee, but sure. The red really brings out the color of your eyes."

"My eyes are brown," he says.

"Oh."

"So, about this room," he says, stressing on his T's. "How is it in here? Do you like it? I built it myself." He smiles proudly.

"No, you didn't build it," I say to piss him off.

"Yeah, I know I didn't build it." I shake my head, pretending not to understand. "It was a joke," he explains.

"What? You said you built it."

"Yeah, but—"

"But you didn't build it," I say.

"Yeah," he says more cautiously this time.

"Why did you say you built it if you didn't build it?"

"It was supposed to be a joke, okay?" he throws his hands up in defeat. "Never mind, it wasn't even that funny." He notices my smirk and scowls. "You're evil, you know that?"

Olivia comes back and shoos him away. "You have way too much time on your hands, boy," she scolds him.

"I'm going, I'm going," he laughs. "I have lifeguard duty in an hour, anyway."

"Bye, have fun!" I say, and they both give me weird looks. "I mean, go get 'em, tiger. Whoo!"

I should stop.