Drowning / SM

Chapter 65

"Do you think your brother could work harder at the soccer club and come more often because there is a game that the team really needs to win," Cameron asks on the phone while I'm editing some pictures at the Iconika agency.

I wasn't really paying attention to what he was saying but the second he mentions Liam, I lean back in my chair and frown, trying to understand.

"What?... but why? Isn't it enough that he plays three times a week?" I ask, playing with the pen I'm holding in my hand.

"The game is in only three weeks you know..." He says, unsure of himself but I believe that this is not the main reason.

He's not even Liam's coach or anything, why would he call me for that?

I'm overthinking again about some little things but this is clearly unusual.

"Why isn't the coach who's asking?... I mean, as I remember, you don't train them all the time." I say, still confused.

I don't think that's even normal that there are a coach and another person who train the boys only when he wants to.

"I'm the one who calls the parents when there's a problem like that, that's it." Cameron reply pretty abruptly and with a deeper voice.

I can feel him losing his patience as if there was something up with the decision I'd take. I mean, I'm not even his mom but as if he knew what I was wondering, he talks over again.

"Listen, Alyssa... I don't know why you're taking so long to answer but if you want I can call your parent... the problem is that I called the phone number that was written on the registration form of Liam and you picked up." He says, softer than the way he talked to me before and that's when I remember that I changed the phone number when my mom got sick because I knew she wouldn't be able to pick up.

I feel really stupid right now and embarrassed but I'm so suspicious of all the little things I notice.

"Oh yeah... I'm sorry... I'll just talk about it with him. Bye." I quickly reply and hang up so I don't seem like a paranoid person who worries even about the most obvious things.

I shake my head to pull all these stupid thoughts out of my head and roll my seat forward to my desk so I can shut down the computer I was working on.

It's about 7 pm so it's time for me to leave. I pack all my things in my purse and gets up from my seat but when I head to the gate, my vision gets blurred and I nearly lose my balance but luckily I hold on the desk.

I shake my head again to clear my vision and head to the gate, alone, since Rose finished earlier today.

I read some notifications that appears on my phone's screen, waiting for a call from Shawn but still nothing, except a message he sent where he asks me if I ate today. I decide not to reply until I get home and call him so I put the phone down on the passenger seat and turn the engine on.

Sighing, I drive some miles until I reach the house where my mom and Liam are.

"Mom?" I ask when I get in the house but no one is downstairs.

Liam is probably sleeping and dreaming about playing for the soccer World Cup but I don't know if mom is still awake so I just walk upstairs and head to her bedroom.

"Mom? Are you in there?" I ask, knocking three times and pressing my ear against the door to hear if she responds anything.

I try to focus but the only things I hear are some whispers and some giggles. I step back frowning, confused but when I'm about to get to my room I feel her footsteps walking towards the door that opens a few seconds later, revealing my tired mom.

"Nanny is on the phone... just wait a minute" She simply says and closes the door again.

I get to my room, remembering that I didn't see my grandparents in a while and that I should see them, or at least, call them. Even though they talk with mom every day, I used to do the same but this habit just slowly faded away.

I drop on my bed and lay there, looking up at the ceiling, thinking about nothing and everything at the same time. Being anxious about the way the upcoming weeks will go, far from Shawn, Josh being busy with his girl, Liam playing more at his club and mom getting back to the hospital.

A few minutes without doing anything and feeling paralyzed, those few minutes during which my body gets some rest. I didn't know my body actually needed this. Maybe they're right. Maybe I should be careful.

I was getting deep into my thoughts when I hear some knocks on my door and my mom's head pops from behind the door.

I get up on my elbows to see her walking in.

"How is Nanny doing?" I ask but she first looks at me confused and frowning.

"What?..." She asks and I fully sit on my bed. "Oh yeah... Umm, She's fine, she loves you." She says, sitting next to me.

"Mom? Are you okay?" I ask, a bit worried about her health again. She looks really tired with her long blond hair perfectly falling on her shoulder which makes a contrast with the dark circles under her eyes, her weak smile and shaking hands.

I rub her back and she raises her gaze to look straight into my eyes.

"How was it?" She asks, furrowing her eyebrows as if it was more a question to herself than to me. "When I was at the hospital and you and Liam were alone... without your dad?" She says out of nowhere.

I honestly didn't expect her to talk about him again and that gets me off guard. as soon as I hear what came out of her mouth, my hand stops drawing the patterns in her back and slides down.

"Why are you talking about him?..." I almost whisper, lowering my gaze to my hands.

I thought that I healed from that. From what happened months ago. Seems like I was wrong.

I'm staring at my hands, trying to figure out how I felt, how i feel and how I will feel but the only thing that comes out is a tear which I quickly wipe away.

"It could have been better, to be honest." I take back the speech since she didn't answer my question. "It could have been better but losing him made me meet new people who count a lot to me. It's sad but it's the truth mom. That's how I feel: being sad to admit that some people I knew for only months couldn't leave me while my dad did." I say, reuniting all my strengths together not to break down in tears.

Not now.

Not in front of her.

"Josh?" She asks, rubbing my back in turn. I look up at her with a slight smile.

"Josh," I admit.

At that exact time, I felt passive and depressed but the thing is that I didn't know that 3 weeks later I'd be completely drowning in the cold water which started pulling me down months ago.

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Love you all.

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