Drowning / SM

Chapter 80

- A few hours ago -

"Shawn are you ready?" I shout from the living room so he can hear me.

"In a minute, Lys" He shouts back but this time I get up from the couch and head to the bedroom.

I get in and see him drying his wet hair with a towel. He's wearing black skinny jeans and nothing else. I stare at his shirtless body that's coming hotter than ever from the bathroom.

I shake my head to erase the wild thoughts that cross my mind and try to look up straight into his hazel eyes but the second my pupils leave his torso, they get lost in his curls, still wet despite his try of wiping the drops of water.

His eyes, Alyssa... Focus on his eyes. The little voice in my head whispers to me but I fail in my attempt to silence it.

"You want me to get even more lost or what?" The words leave my mouth while I just wanted to shut the voice down.

"What?" Shawn asks and chuckles when he notices how blushing I am but what he adds doesn't help at all and he knows that. "Miss Steal can't control herself anymore, eh?" He laughs and puts on a T-shirt and a hoodie over it.

"Shut up and hurry, the princess you are and I still have to pick up Liam." I snap out, referring to the fact that I got ready and finished before him.

"I could have been ready yet if we took our shower together, you know." He tries, moving toward me and leaving a soft kiss on my lips with his arms around me.

His smirk shows me what he's thinking about which is funny but I'm definitely not going to give in so I pull away from his embrace and head back to the entry.

"You could have deserved what you want if your stupid ass didn't mess up," I say and put on my jacket while he's slipping on his shoes.

He suddenly looks up at me in confusion and takes his keys.

"I did nothing wrong." He says, sure of himself but hesitating at the same time, not knowing if I'm kidding or not.

Once we're out of the building, we get in the car and I still didn't reply. Playing but also being serious because I'm still mad because of the 'Allie' thing.

I know that he explained everything and that he had good excuses but I'm still believing that if people think that they're dating then they did something. And I'm really divided because, on a hand, I trust him and believe him when he says that nothing happened but on another hand, there's that piece of me that's bearing.

"Seriously? Are you really sulking at me for... nothing?" He sighs and is about to start the engine of the Jeep when I turn to him, angrier than I was.

"Sulking at you for nothing? I'm not 'sulking at you for nothing' and even though I was sulking for nothing, I think I'm old enough to do whatever I want to do." I snap out and I don't know how many times I repeated the word 'sulking' so much I'm on the nerves but I'm trying to contain myself so I look out through the window with my arms crossed over my breast. "If you're not happy with it just leave me alone and go join your beloved Allie," I mumble to myself so he doesn't hear it but the stupid ass I am said it a little too loud and he hears everything.

Fuck.

I turn to him to see his reaction. He turns the engine off while we're still stuck where the car was parked.

He's looking at me angrier than ever.

"Oh, so you want me to leave you alone, eh?" He asks and looks for something in his pocket.

I know that I should stop him and deny that but I don't want to. I forgave him super easily the other night while I didn't want to give in that easily.

"If that's what makes you happier, then yes. Many girls will be glad to hear that you're single and ready to add some other names to your hunting board." I mumble the last sentence really quickly once again.

I don't know why I got that angry while I was just playing but he's not helping.

"My 'hunting board'? So that's how you see me? Like a fucker?" He asks, finally reaching his phone in his pocket. "You know what, people already think that I'm single since you don't want to tell anybody about us!"

What the hell is he doing? Of course, I don't see him this way. He's the sweetest person and isn't a 'bad boy' as they all say but his last words break my heart.

My fists contracts and I press my jaws so hard together not to explode.

"Just leave me alone." I simply reply, not wanting to talk to him anymore and looking out the window again.

"Then what are you still doing in my car if you want me to leave you?" His response makes me turn back abruptly to him and leaves me speechless because I didn't think that he'd say that.

Or that he'd give up.

Is he serious?

I was just playing... well, at first.

We stare at each other but then I break the eye contact to look for my keys. I detach the one of the condo from the keyring and put it on the dashboard. He watches every single movement I do and I end up getting out of the car.

I slam the door behind me and head to my car that's parked behind his. Tears are building up in the back of my eyes and a knot is forming in my throat but I can't break down now.

I didn't know this would go this far but if we're breaking because of some shit like that then we had nothing to do together. Am I wrong?

If a couple breaks because of the first issue they meet then those two people who are supposed to love each other have nothing to do together. It just means that their love isn't strong enough and that their 'you're my world' were only lies. If they can get over each other and leave their 'lover', then they weren't that involved in the relationship.

Why would they leave, huh? Because of a stupid issue they could have erased? Maybe they just didn't fight enough and gave up too soon. Why all these promises if it was to break them and act like they never existed for that person they 'loved'. All those words, all those speeches, all those spiels and deep talks.

But when they come back, everything starts over again. As if it was new... as if they don't know what is going to happen.

Maybe I wasn't good enough for him.

Our relationship came out of nowhere but maybe we did it the wrong way. And it hurts. It hurts to know that you did your best to open and it still wasn't good enough. Maybe people don't talk about unspoken because they can't explain the reason why they keep their feelings and doubts to themselves instead of sharing them. And maybe they don't share anything because they've been silent their whole life and they let it hurt until it can't hurt anymore.

I thought he was afraid to lose me as much as I was terrified that he leaves me.

What's a worse feeling than getting bad again after being happy for a while?

Why talking about love in a good way when it tears people apart as much as it brings them together?

What is love, at the end?

I don't understand this, my heart can't take this damage and the way I feel just can't stand this.

Maybe we just didn't know what love is.

Maybe we were just lying to ourselves.

Maybe he's just like my dad.

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Hi people! I hope you liked this chapter so tell me what do you think about it!

Ps: I was listening to 'Changes' by Xxxtentacion while writing the end...

Love you all.

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