Hetalia of the Crack

Cooking Nations

England: right, so why am I here?

America: to humiliate you

England: what was that?

America: nothing, nothing

China: is England here aru?

England: yes I'm here, why did you ask for me?

Philippines: it's cooking time!

England: wait what?

China: we are going to teach you how to cook

England: but-

Philippines: don't worry we already fireproofed the oven and stove

England: HEY

Philippines: just in case

China: we're gonna be baking some pastries today aru

2p! England: MY SPECIALTY

England: GET OUT.....AND YOUR SPECIALTY ARE CUPCAKES

Philippines: ok...anyway, China's here since he's, well, one of the best gourmet countries! I'm here since I am also one of the best since my cuisine is based off of traditional food from India, Kuya Spain, China and Kuya America!

America: she learned from the best!

England: learnt!

America: whatever, anyways I'm here for moral support

China: for-

America: you guys

Philippines: oh we're gonna need lots of it

China: unfortunately aru

England: well you volunteered so don't complain!

Philippines: yeah, yeah, whatever England, let's get started!

England: what are we making?

China: we're starting off with the basics, chocolate chip cookies

Writer: SOMEONE SAY CHOCOLATE CHIP?!

America: *hushes her* you're gonna ruin their concentration

Writer: dude they barely started-

America: ssshhh

China: uhm...anyway, to start we're gonna need you to *c chip cookies recipe because I'm a lazy a** author*

~30 minutes later~

China: AIYAH! WHY IS THE OVEN ON FIRE?! WE FIREPROOFED IT

Philippines: *frantically putting the fire out*

England:.....

China: HOW?!

America: I TOLD YA YOU NEEDED THE MORAL SUPPORT! YOU CAN DO IT! FIGHT THROUGH THE FLAMES!

China: Aruuu...

-after the EXTRAVAGANT fire, courtesy of England~

Philippine: alright, let's just make some sushi

Japan: Nani?!

Writer: SSSHHHH concentratiooooooon

Japan: but..sushi...

Writer: you can have some later

Japan: *a happy little nation*

Writer: if Iggy doesn't burn them

Japan: *has lost all hope*

Philippines: okay, you start off by putting out the seaweed, aka ocean's drugs *demonstrates*

England: ok..seems simple enough *puts out seaweed* *seaweed does not catch on fire*

China: that was a miracle aru

England: shut up

Philippines: *looks at the fish* *fish is on fire* *silently tries to put it out*

China: Phili, why are you so silent- AIYAAAAAHHHHH

Writer: ok I'm pretty sure Iggy didn't do that

England: THANK YOU

In the end they decided England is hopeless and ordered some mcdonald's, courtesy of America, complain from England and relief from all the others

America: EAT UP DUDES AND DUDETTES  *drops 20 different food on the table*

the whole meal consisted of a heart attack, kidney failure, extra salt kidney stones, 3000 calories plus 1, five brain freezes, a trip to the hospital, death and a diet coke to balance everything

Japan: *remembers a certain moment from a certain Hetalia episode*

yeah so I thought this wasnt gonna be funny but then it started to be (for me anyway) so I hope you enjoyed

ciao my fellow Hetalians!