SHITTY SHITS

73

Panic Attack

help me ~

• • •

i was once an excited gal before when class starts.
so excited to meet my friends,
so excited to gossip and talk about what their vacation turned like.

but now... it's only a week before class starts.
i stared at the ceiling, controlling my breath as my hearts beats faster and faster.
it's already 1 AM and i can't sleep. lately, i can't.
thinking about class, the crowds, new faces and old ones, make me real anxious.
my head's about to blow out now.
i wanna sleep but i can't.
i'm back with overthinking, i hate it.

i used to get too excited on the past three years.
now i'm on my fourth year in high school (grade 10)
it feels strange.
what if i have my panic attack in public?
what if to much pressure triggers it?
usually, my stomach will rumble, my heart beat getting faster and faster, sweats on my forehead.
i can't seem to focus so i always end up being the clumsy gal.

i'm way too nervous for this "back to school".
i'm afraid of the crowd,
i'm afraid of the attentions,
i'm afraid of the gossips,
i'm afraid of the boys.
cause boys do terrify me, NOW.
i'm afraid of growing up, then later on studying in college, then after getting a job then after it the homecoming.
some may have families, some may be dead.
but who knows?
i'm afraid of growing up and leaving teenage life.
welp me.
i'm not yet ready to face the world.

***
srsly, i'm overthinking rn.