Knowing - jikook au

Sick.

Sick. Jungkook was sick and tired of searching for Park Jimin.

Hope was wearing thin, the possibility of never seeing Jimin again becoming something more like a reality to the desperate dancer, especially when he returned to Taehyung's hotel room to regroup, to find that nobody had seen hide nor hair of the lost boy. Jungkook ducked his head to avoid the sympathetic smiles, not in the mood to hear 'cheer up, we'll find him!' and 'it will all be okay in the end!'; the statements felt like lies. He didn't need to hear more lies. Lies took over his whole damn life - lies, or 'withheld information', and he was sick of it. He wanted to see Jimin. He wanted to demand that Jimin explain why he left. He wanted to pull Jimin close and cry and force him to promise to stay by his side forever. But, at the same time, Jungkook wanted to find Jimin and keep him at distance, for fear of being hurt.

As his head was down, Jungkook didn't notice Yoongi staring directly at him, analysing him with emotionless eyes, his face completely blank. Nobody would be able to tell what Min Yoongi was thinking if they looked at him - not that anybody was because everybody was too busy in their own heads with their own thoughts. They ate in silence, mostly, the tiredness and hopelessness heavy in the room. Jungkook didn't eat. He felt too sick.

Eventually, somebody stood up and stated that they were going to resume their search. Jungkook didn't see who; he wasn't paying attention, too lost in the self-debate about whether to hold Jimin close or at an arm's length away. That meant he didn't see everybody leave, didn't notice that only he and Yoongi were left, and paid no mind to the fact that the latter was now walking towards him. Not until Yoongi spoke.

"I can hear your brain working, kid."

"What?" Jungkook asked, looking up to meet Yoongi's eyes, then around the hotel room, finally realizing everybody had left.

"I mean that you're thinking deeply. Penny for your thoughts?" Yoongi questioned, sitting down next to Jungkook who sighed, eyes stuck to the floor.

"I'm conflicted. I want to hug Jimin and kiss him and cry at him and shout at him and push him away. I feel anger and sadness and hope and desperation and happiness and- I don't know. I feel sick. This is making me sick. The only thing I'm sure about is that I want to find Jimin, and apart from that? I'm completely lost," Jungkook admitted, hands fiddling with the threads on the edges of the rip in his black jeans. "It's like I'm stuck in the darkness and there's no light to guide me."

Yoongi grunted. "You sound like somebody else I know." Jungkook didn't speak, so Yoongi continued. "Jimin."

That got Jungkook's attention, his head whipping round to catch Yoongi's eye so quickly that his neck clicked loudly and unpleasantly. "What? What did he tell you?"

"Jungkook... you're aware of Jimin's situation, right?" Yoongi questioned carefully, grimacing at Jungkook's lost and watery eyes.

"What- what situation?" Whimpered Jungkook, sounding like a sick dog. Yoongi felt pity fill him, but he knew better than to show it - nobody ever appreciated pity.

"Jungkook, there is no easy way to tell you this, but you have to try and keep yourself calm, okay? It's a lot to ask, but getting worked up at this point isn't going to help anything. This will upset you. Are you sure you want to know?" Yoongi said, looking deeply into Jungkook's eyes to emphasise the seriousness behind his words.

"Y-yes."

"Sure?"

"Yes."

"Okay. Jungkook, Jimin... Jimin's suicidal. He's tried to kill himself recently." Yoongi paused, waiting for Jungkook to explode, to scream and cry and kick, but he was met with silence, Jungkook's eyes falling back to the carpet. "Both Hoseok and I have stopped him, but he's stuck in a bad mindset. He's confused between whether he should stay out of your life or run back to you, whether you hate him or whether you're still waiting for him, doesn't understand any scenario that isn't 'Jungkook hates me and doesn't want me back'. He's been battling with the knowledge that he hurt you unnecessarily, and it's tearing him apart. Do you understand?" Yoongi asked. Jungkook nodded. "Jungkook, tell me you understand."