Knowing - jikook au

Achieved.

Achieved. After finding Jimin, finally seeing him again after two years, Jungkook had achieved nothing.

It was stupid to think about now, lying on his childhood bed and staring up at the plastic glow-in-the-dark stars on the ceiling, but Jungkook had been expecting it all to fall into place. He'd expected to find Jimin, leave him to calm down for a day and then attempt to talk to him. He'd expected them to start re-building everything they had lost. He'd expected sadness, anger, frustration. He'd expected long conversations, shouting matches and words begging for forgiveness. He got none of that. In fact, it had been a week of nothing. The last he had seen of Jimin was through the crack in Jungkook's old bedroom door when Yoongi had shut Jimin away from him. The last he'd felt towards Jimin was the desperation to see him that night. The last he'd spoken to Jimin was a whispered 'please be okay' and a kiss on the forehead when he handed his limp body over to Seokjin. Apart from that, his week had been empty - sitting at home, mindlessly watching reality TV and making conclusions about how an audience would react to his situation were it broadcasted to the nation. Would they root for him? Would they think he deserved Jimin? Would they think he deserved better? Jungkook wondered.

Jungkook was staying at his family home. He didn't want to be alone, but couldn't seem to find it in himself to stay with Namjoon; the police officer had other things to worry about, like the fact that his boyfriend was now living with a stranger, and refused to talk to him. So at 3:57am, Jungkook shuffled into his mother and father's room and slipped into his father's side of the bed - glad, for once, that he was away on business - and cuddled into his mother's side as he let the tears fall.

Darling, she had whispered, it'll all work out. You'll see.

Can I stay here? He had replied, face buried in the crook of the woman's neck, hands clutching onto her tightly, like a newborn babe would.

Of course petal, this is your home.

That morning, when he woke alone in his mother's bed, he left it to find that he was completely alone in the house, too, no Jimin in sight. He had expected to feel annoyed that Yoongi had made sure to leave with Jimin before Jungkook saw, had expected to feel angry and upset that nobody had stayed to see if he was alright, but he knew it was selfish of him. Jimin had to recover. Yoongi and Hoseok had to look after Jimin. Taehyung had been in terrible shock. Doctor Seokjin had to do his job and treat Taehyung. Namjoon had to get the gun he left at the lake, and then had a job to get back to. Nobody had the time to stay with Jungkook. And that was okay. Because, while not great, Jungkook was the least damaged out of all of them, and that was simply because he had achieved what he set out to do.

Jimin had been found and was being taken care of. Taehyung was being treated. Jungkook's manager had understood his sudden disappearance and allowed him as much time as he needed to recover. Everyone was safe. Everyone would, eventually, be okay. He felt guilt, immense guilt for dragging Taehyung and Namjoon into his and Jimin's mess, still felt a need to see the latter, but honestly? The fact that they were all safe, that he knew where everybody was and that they were all breathing, was good enough for now. He could wait, he would wait. As he had proved to himself in the past few months, when he had felt frustrated and desperate to no end but still managed to pull through and achieve his goal, he could be patient enough to wait for Jimin to be ready, however much it may have hurt.

But Jungkook had to remember that it wasn't just Jimin who had to be ready. He had to be ready too. He may have been eager to talk to Jimin, desperate, frustrated- that didn't matter. He needed to be sure he was ready. And for that reason, he was glad Yoongi had moved Jimin before he woke; he wasn't ready, hadn't recovered enough from his own shock and stress and desperation to be stable enough to have a conversation with Jimin. He wouldn't be ready for a long time.