That Girl This Is It

Derek Hale - Life After Haylie

"Derek you need to take them today!" Amy's voice came from the stairs. She walked into the kitchen wearing a white blouse and black trousers.
"Okay are they ready?" I asked looking back down to the newspaper and coffee.
"Yep. They'll be bounding down the stairs in a minute so you should go out a shirt on." She said and I looked down to my naked torso and then back up. I caught Amy's stare rested on my tattoo. She sighed and plasted a smile on her face.
"You don't have to fake a smile you know. I know your still not okay with it." I scoffed and stood up pouring the remains of my coffee away.
"I know it upsets you to talk about it Derek. But we've been together for 5 years. And you still haven't told me who she is?" I turned to face her a little too quickly and she looked surprised.
"Your right, I don't like talking about it." I said firmly and she nodded.
"Derek. We have two beautiful kids. And it's hard for me when we aren't married and you have another woman's name tattooed on your chest and I have no explanation." I shook my head.
"She's in my old life. The life I had before I met you. And you are right I don't like talking about it." I repeated. Amy shook her head and I knew this was bad. She had been respectful for the past five years. But I don't know if she could continue.
"Tell me Derek, I can't take all these secrets if were going to be together without getting married." I knew it was time. Amy wasn't going to stay with me if I continued to hide so much, I knew her too well. Her paranoia would drive her and my kids away.
"Haylie was a 17 year old girl." I started and I saw the small smile on her face that I was finally talking but then it turned to worry about who Haylie was. "She was the first girl I ever loved. And she died." I said and clenched my fists. I hadn't talked about Haylie in 10 years. Amy folded her arms unsure of what to say. "And I love you amy so I'm not going to lie to you. It's been 10 years but it still hurts. And I still think about her." Amy sighed. But she understood.
"How did she die?" She asked cautiously.
"She stabbed herself." I said and amy looked surprised. "Right in front of me. She had to though, it's complicated but she had to." I said quietly, and folding my arms. Amy opened her mouth but was cut off my a small little girl running in.
"Daddy I hurt my thumb." Grace cried waddling over to me. She had just turned 5. Me and amy had her by accident. A one night stand turned into kids with a white picket fence. No marriage though. I couldn't do that. I bent down and picked up my daughter placing her on the table.
"Show me." I asked and she held out her hand. "You know you aren't getting out of school right?" I said stepping away but still keeping an eye making sure she didn't fall. She huffed and lay down on the table dramatically.
"I really have to get to work. I'll see you guys later." Amy said kissing graces forehead and my cheek. She walked out just as James crawled into the room. I picked grace up and threw her over my shoulder making her giggle while I bent down and scooped up my son.
I carried them both up stairs and threw them onto mine and Amy's king size bed. James sat up but grace grabbed him and cuddled him. He looked disgusted and confused.
"So I'm taking you guys to day care today." I said and pulled a shirt on over my head.
"I wanna spend then day with you daddy." Grace whined and I sighed. I felt bad sometimes. I wasn't the father I could have been. I loved my kids, that was obvious. But sometimes I didn't show it like I should. I loved amy too. But I knew she was the reason for lack of affection. The problem with her was that she wasn't Haylie.
"Sorry but I have things to do today. I have to take you." I said and pulled james away from his sister and onto my hip while grace followed me down the stairs.
I dropped them off and made my way to the garage. I had taken a job as a mechanic even though I didn't need too. But it was a distraction. A distraction from living the life I didn't want. Well, I did want this at one point. But with Haylie.
Later that night after dinner and the kids were put to bed I walked into my bedroom and took out the box I kept hidden in a compartment inside the wardrobe. I placed it on the bed and opened the lid. Amy walked in soon after and I looked up to her.
"What's that?"she asked a little cautious.
"If I am going to let you in about Haylie," I started. "Then I will tell you everything. And I'll be honest with you." She nodded quickly. Like a child when their about to here a fairy tale she jumped on the bed. I reached into the box and pulled out the bracelet. "I gave this to her a few days after we first met. It was probably the only gift I ever gave her." I admitted with a chuckle.
"It's beautiful." She said playing with the green material.
"I gave it to her to protect her. It stopped other werewolves from tracking her scent." I explained and reached back into the box. I moved past one of her tshirts and picked up a letter. "She wrote this to me one day," I said as my lips twiched. I gave it to Amy who to my surprise laughed whilst reading it. I took it back and read it again.
Derek, I've gone to the store because you have no coffee. Bad move hale. You should know by now I'll kick your ass every time there isn't a cup waiting for me when I wake up on a Sunday. Back soon, don't miss me too much. Love Haylie.
"She couldn't really kick my ass." I said with a slight chuckle and noticed a change in the way amy was looking at me. I reached in again and pulled out the three photos I had. I handed them to amy, who's eyes widened.
"Wow, she's really beautiful." I smiled at the picture of us standing in front of stiles jeep. She had jumped on my back and was kissing my cheek.
"Yeah she was." I chuckled and amy looked up to me with a smile. "Much like you." I whispered and kissed her cheek. She blushed a shade of red making me smirk.
"She made you really happy." She said smiling. I nodded.
"Yeah she did, but why are you smiling at me like that?" I asked and she shrugged.
"Because I don't think I've ever seen you smile like how your smiling now." She said and I frowned. She quickly shook her head. "No it's good!" She laughed. "It's good to see you smile." She said causing my smile to reappear. She looked back down to the photo. "I wish I could have met her. Met the girl who made Derek hale smile." She joked and I couldn't help but laugh making her eyes light up again.
"No chance. She would have loved you. I never would have got a moment alone with her." I said but then paused as I realised what I said. I looked up and saw Amy's smile had turned sad. I quickly shook my head. "I'm sorry I didn't.."
"It's okay." She said interrupting me. "If she didn't die, you think you'd still be together?" She asked and I sighed but decided to be honest so I nodded. "Married?" She asked and I knew marriage was always a touchy subject between us. But I still nodded. "That's why you won't marry me isn't it. You alway thought you'd marry her." I looked away and amy sighed. "Tell me about her."
"What do you what to know?" I asked lying down on my back.
"You said she would have loved me? Why? What was she like? Why did you love her?" She asked and lied down, resting her head on the pillow next to me. I just looked up to the ceiling.
"She would have loved you because your so similar." I said with a sigh. "Your both stunningly beautiful. Both kind and have a heart the size of America." I said and she laughed. "And she was amazing. She was literally the nicest, kindest person you could ever meet. She would do anything for someone she cares about. she would put her life at risk for a total stranger." I chuckled. "As you can imagine that was the most irritating thing about her. And drove me completely crazy." Amy laughed too. "Her laugh was musical." I said with a sigh as memories of her started coming back. "Her voice would send shivers down my entire spine. And her scent was irresistible." Amy shifted getting more comfortable. I was about to stop talking but she shook her head.
"No keep talking. I like hearing you talk about her." She smiled and I knew she was being honest.
"Okay." I said and shifted around a bit so I could be more comfortable. "Well she had this annoying habit of talking as fast as possible and never shutting up when she was happy." I laughed remembering Isaac's not so surprising birthday party. "But when she was sad she just rarely said a word." I sighed again. "She made me a better person, and no matter how hard I try and shake the feeling. I don't think I'll ever get the image of her death out my head. The reason I keep pretending I'm okay Amy is because I'm scared. I'm scared that if I let myself because as vulnerable with you as I was with her you'll get hurt." I admitted.
"Derek that was a long time ago. Your older now and nothing bad has happened since we've been together." She said and I tuned to look at her. "I'm not going anywhere."
"I love you amy, I do." I said. "And I love our kids. Your my family. But the problem is that my family always has a habit of dying." She shook her head.
"Your let your guard down with her and one day I hope you can love me like you loved her. But for now just trust me. We aren't going anywhere." Me and amy fell sleep and over the next few months things changed. I was happy. I don't know maybe finally letting amy in about Haylie made things easier. I didn't feel guilty anymore about still loving Haylie. Amy knew I did and she accepted it. If anything she encouraged me to talk about her. Of course I still love Haylie. And I'll never stop. And I'll never love amy like I loved her. But she's gone, and so is that part of my life. I have a new life though. Two kids and a third on the way. A beautiful girlfriend that I love but will never marry. I have everything.
Lie.
I have nothing. Because I don't have Haylie.