Human |lashton|

e i g h t

~ l u k e ~

dear ashton,

i'm losing my mind. everywhere i go i see you. it's like you follow me everywhere i go.

its been three months since your death and i still don't know how much longer i can live without you.

calum and mikey are coming with me to vist you today. so i can't tell you that i've cut today when i'm there so i'll tell you now. again today i cut. ashton everyday since your death i've been cutting, i haven't been one day clean. not one fucking day. no wonder my mum want me on the streets.

i love you more than to the moon and back.

love luke.

*

i put my book away under my mattress hidden with my blades.

i walk into the bathroom to go wash my face. i look in the mirror and i look like a wreck. i'm pale as anything, i have bags under my eyes, my eyes aren't even blue anymore they're grey. what sort of persons eyes turn grey?

when i finished washing my face i get changed. i put on ashtons grey and black sweater, my black skinny jeans, black vans and a black beanie to hide my hair.

in no time calum and michael show up at my house. i walk out the door and put the best fake smile i can on. i look into the backseat and i see ashton sitting there. i rub my eyes then his gone. i'm going fucking crazy.

of corse i only got to stay at ashtons new home, well it's not really his new home anymore; for three hours. thats nothing.

on our way home mikey wanted pizza. so we had to stop off and get pizza. i haven't eaten in weeks. the last thing i ate was an apple which was three weeks ago. but i forced a pice down just so the boys don't question anything.

as soon as i got home i waved bye to mikey and cal and run into my bathroom. i shoved my fingers down my throat and food comes up. i vomit until my insides are empty.

after that i brush my teeth and cry myself to sleep once again.