The Garden Of Larry

Technically still married.....

(Harry)

Happy Mothering Sunday all you wonderful mother's out there! Today I'm going to visit my mother and spend the entire day with her. Usually Gemma and I do that together but she's sick so it's just me and mum this time. I can't believe it's been a whole year since I've really spent time with my mum. I mean, sure I saw her just before Christmas time but that wasn't a proper visit. Plus I was there for selfish reasons and this time it was for her. I really missed my mum but not as much as Lou missed his. I took a deep breath and looked around the plane; it would be landing fairly soon.

I wasn't sure how this year would turn out. I mean, I had basically nobody and it was hard to find a job. I thought about doing something with my art. It's been such a long time since I've picked up a pencil though and I was worried that I forgot how to properly draw. Louis used to always say to me that, as long as I had something to inspire me that I could draw just about anything I wanted to. What if my inspiration was Louis though? I thought about making a comic book but I'm not good at writing. Louis was a good writer. He was always jotting down book ideas during meals and I would always ask him what they were about. He'd say that one day I would read them in a nice hardcover that would be sold all around the world.

It's a shame he stopped writing. It's weird to think that one of the things that brought us together is lost now that we're apart. It's almost like our talents lost their purpose once their inspiration had ceased to exist. I wonder if he started writing again. Maybe he's writing about what I've done and he's dealing with it through a book? It hurts to think about it, but at the same time, if he's writing again then that's a good thing. Maybe one day I'll find a copy of our love story in a hardcover and know that he thinks our story is worth telling as well. Oh great; I'm crying now. I hope nobody notices. I'd hate to have to explain why.

My plane landed about an hour ago and I was sitting with my mum out in the back yard on some lawn chairs drinking strawberry lemonade. I was hoping this visit would be peaceful and filled with mother-son bounding, but instead it was filled with questions. She wanted to know all about Louis and I and if I was making any progress getting him back. Unfortunately I wasn't making any progress and I was worried that she'd be disappointed with me for some odd reason. It's not like I didn't fight for my marriage. Honestly, I still haven't filled out the divorce papers so we were technically still married. But she just wanted to know how things were and if we had gotten back together or not. I wasn't exactly sure how to answer that question.

"The thing is, mum, Louis and I are still separated." She looked at me confused.

"But didn't you say that Christmas went well and that he looked at you a certain way when you saw each other at the hospital?"

"Well, yes, but he's seeing someone else."

"Aren't you two technically still married?"

"Yes, mum, but he did file for divorce a while ago."

"Please tell me that you didn't sign anything without speaking with a lawyer first?"

"I didn't sign anything and I really don't plan on it."

"Didn't he like the dream house model you spent months on?"

"Yes, but that didn't change things between us."

"If you're father had done something like that before our divorce, then we'd probably still be together now." I hated when she'd bring us dad. It was something that nobody could have changed even though she always said it was.

"Things are different with Lou and I though, mum. We weren't together nearly as long as you and dad were and dad didn't cheat."

"Enough talk about your father; let's talk about what you're going to do next." I looked at her, then at the ground; letting out a sigh.

"Mum, I'm not going to do anything next. I'm going to leave him alone and let him choose whether or not to see me again. The ball is in his court now."

"So just like that you're giving up on your marriage? Haven't I raised you to never give up?"

"I'm not giving up; I'm giving it time."

She just looked at me with those sad eyes. The same eyes she gave me when she told me that her and dad were no longer going to be living together and that I could see him but not at home. I was really scared then as I am really scared now. Truth is, I actually have given up on being with Lou. I just didn't want my mum to be disappointed with me that I was moving on. Well, trying to move on but it was nearly impossible. How can you truly move on from something you're not even willing to give up? I didn't want to give up Louis to let someone else take him away from me. I shivered and felt sick just thinking of someone else kissing my baby and telling my baby that they loved him. That's when I remembered that there was someone with my baby. Colton. Colton had taken Louis away from me before I had my chance to fix things between us.

"Harry, dear, tell me what you're thinking?"

"Mum, Louis' seeing someone else. He's dating this guy named Colton." I looked down at my large hands sadly. Louis' hands fit perfectly in mine like they were made just for me.

"Well, don't give up just yet, honeybun." She tried to comfort me.

"I just wish I wasn't so sad."

"Things will get better, sweetheart. I promise you that."

"I'm glad I came to see you. I've missed you so much."

"I've missed you too, my sweet boy." She kissed my cheek.

"I just wish you lived closer."

"Well, you call me every single day. I feel as though I already do live closer." She chuckled softly. I wrapped my arms around her and kissed her cheek.

"I love you, mum. I love you so much."

"I love you too, Harry."

"I'll visit you more; I promise." She told me that she'd like that. The rest of the day was spent relaxing in silence. I plan to visit more often. I wish I could with Louis and Anthony. Maybe we will someday.