The Garden Of Larry

Sounds like a really good idea.....

(Harry)

Today was perhaps the most nerve-wracking day I've had since the "divorce". I decided to do this really stupid thing and go out with this person I met online. I have absolutely no idea why I thought it was a good idea to put myself out there but here I was once again attempting to date. Bloody awful mistake that was once the date began. It's like I expected Louis to walk into the coffee shop or restaurant or wherever I planned the date and if it wasn't him, then I gave up. Of course Louis wasn't going to show up. I never asked him out. When will I wake up and realize that I have to move on from him?

As soon as my date sat down I could breathe in her scent. It's funny how I always asked a girl out like I knew that if I was to move on, it couldn't be a guy because I'd never love another guy besides Louis. My date smelled of hospital and hand sanitizer. A scent I would never forget and that would make me grow to love the scent of lavender; the scent I hated most in the world. How come it was so hard to move on? Louis made it seem so easy. He seemed to be getting pretty serious with the guy he'd been seeing. Unless that ended and I was just unaware.

"Harry? I asked you if you wanted to split a meal or just get separate orders."

"Oh, um, whatever you want, Olivia." I can't believe I zoned out when someone was talking to me.

"We could get a few appys and just share them?" I nodded.

"Sounds like a really good idea." I almost called her Louis. Sheesh, I really need to stop thinking about the blue-eyed beauty.

"I'll pick one, you pick one, and we'll both pick the third one, yeah?" I nodded again.

The date seemed to be going fairly well despite the fact that Olivia wasn't Louis. She did seem to have a lot of the same interests as Lou though. But if the person that you're dating to move on from your ex is similar to your ex are you truly moving on? I decided to ignore that question and just enjoy my date which I was indeed enjoying to be honest. Olivia was cute and funny. She had a job working with children and babies and that made her pretty desirable to tell the truth. I've always admired those who work closely with children. I find it amazing that there are people out there that devote their lives to making a better life for those who are too young to make one for themselves. Keeping that in mind, besides Louis, Olivia was perfect.

As the date progressed I realized that since I had to move on, it might as well be with Olivia. She loved children and respected my views and beliefs. I couldn't ask for a more suitable person than her. Well, Louis, but that didn't seem to be an option anymore. As soon as I accepted the possibility that Olivia could be who I spend my time with, I began smiling a lot more and enjoying the date more too. She was by far one of the funniest people I knew now and I think what I started to like the most about her is that we'd begin to tell each other the exact same joke at the exact same time. That was perhaps the best part of the date so far. We had the same humour and she was thankfully not a vegan or vegetarian. Not that there is anything wrong with either. It's just hard to share a pizza with either of them. After the date I walked her home.

"I had an amazing time with you, Harry and I really hope we can do this again." I smiled softly.

"I would love that." She gave me a huge hug. Both of us weren't ready for anything more than that just yet because we both had both recently gotten out of long-term relationships.

I left and went back to my condo. For the first time ever I actually thought that I would be okay without Louis. Plus, Olivia knew what I'd done and still liked me; she had been through something very similar so she understood.

I got home to an empty house. Empty besides the mess. I had beer cans scattered all over the condo and it looked like someone raided my place to find some important artifact or hard drive filled with some sort of hacker codes. It reminded me of the time that I hid Louis' keys from him because he had been drinking.

Flashback

"Where did you put them?" He searched helplessly in all of my drawers.

"Louis! What are you doing?"

"Where did you put my car keys?" He looked kind of crazy.

"I put them somewhere that you won't find them."

"Give them back to me! I just want to hold onto them."

"No. You want to drive to get more beer and I won't let you. I care too much about you to let you do this to yourself."

"Harry, I need them. You don't understand. Just give them to me!"

"No. I'll give them back to you once you've sobered up." He lunged at me and I dodged him. That caused him to fall to the ground and hurt himself. I rushed to his side where he was groaning in pain.

"You did this to me, Harry! You're always hurting me and breaking me down when I'm wounded." He pushed my hands away. I was only trying to comfort him.

Louis always blamed me for things. Only when he was drunk though. Was that how he felt? Or perhaps he felt that it was always his own fault but needed someone else to blame to feel better about himself. But isn't that the definition of a bully? Hurting others to make yourself feel better?

I just sat down as close to him as I could be without him pushing me away. No matter what he said or did to me, I loved him with all my heart and wasn't going to ever leave him all by himself. I wanted to protect him from all the pain in the world the best I could. That wasn't easy though. Once he lost his mum, he had become a very different person. He drank more, got drunk more, and hurt me more. But I wasn't going to leave him alone.

I made a promise to Louis on our wedding day that I would love him forever, and I made a promise to him on our wedding night that I would stick by his side no matter what. I intend on keeping that promise for as long as possible. Which is hopefully forever.

End of flashback

I don't plan on ever breaking that promise. Even if we live separately, and both have different people in our lives, I will stick by his side no matter what. Even if he doesn't know it. Even if I'm here and he's there, I'm still on his side. That's what love is. True love. What Louis and I had was true love and that can never be broken. It can be hit with many obstacles, but never break.

'Forever may be a very long time, but it still remains true. That nobody will own my heart cause it belongs to you. And if we go our separate ways; remember I love you. No matter who comes in your life, you'll always be my Lou.'