The Garden Of Larry

Dear Louis, my love.....

(Harry)

Another marvelous day at 'rehab'. For a little while now, I have been pretending to go to rehab but instead have really been going to the bar to drink. I know what you're thinking, I'm doing the exact thing that I'm supposed to be trying to quit. I've realized that I have a problem, I really have, but I just don't see the point in stopping what is making me happy. Well, not happy, but making me feel nothing but a buzzing feeling. I just want to stop feeling all together. Plus, this bartender has been absolutely amazing to me ever since I've told him my problem. I don't know his name, but he's almost my new best friend.

"Another drink please, bartender." He nods and gets me another of my usual drinks.

"I understand why you're drinking, mate, but if I were you, I'd just tell the person you're avoiding the truth." I looked at him funny. How does he know what I'm feeling before me?

"I did a stupid thing and now I don't think I can." He blows a strand of his raven black hair out of his face. I guess he's kind of beautiful. I really like his eyes, now that I can see them.

"I'm sure whatever you did to this person can be eventually forgiven, so why not give it a try. Also, I know, I'm beautiful so you can stop your staring." I blush in embarrassment.

"I guess it wouldn't hurt to try at least. But I haven't seen or talked to him in four years." His jaw dropped.

"Man, you have got to do something soon then. You're living in a life based on that Closer song." Beautiful was right. I needed to talk to Louis before it was too late.

As soon as I got home, I did the thing I've been doing lately; writing in a journal. Liam had bought me one to write my thoughts on things while I go to rehab, but I've been using it for my own therapy type reasons. Every day, for about a week now, I have written Louis a letter of things I want to tell him but feel as though I can't because he is now in a relationship. I usually write them while I'm a bit drunk though. Not the kind of drunk where you text random shit but the kind of drunk where you can't form words out loud and only on paper or in your head. I actually have felt much better since I've started doing this. I guess it really does help in a way. Today will be my eighth letter to Louis so far.

Letter #1

Dear Louis Dear Love

Dear Louis, my love,

I thought a lot about you today. It's strange to think that over ten years ago you and I had only just gotten married. We were so happy in the beginning. I really wanted to see you today, but thought it best not to bother you because I know you're busy with that guy you're seeimg seeing. Are you happy? I really hope that you're happy. Part of me hopes that you're not as happy as you were when you were with me, but that's not very nice of me to think. Anyways, I really do hope you're happy and I miss you terribly.

Letter #2

Dear Louis, my love,

I drank a lot of vodka today. I had to sober up to write this to you. I feel like every day I'm one step closer to losing my mind all together. I'm hurting without you, baby. I wish I could wake up to you in my arms again. I never should have taken you for granted. I never knew that the morning you wanted a shower alone would be the last one together. I never should have cheated on you. I should have just told you that I wanted more in the marriage and if you didn't want that then we could have figured things from there. You told me from the beginning and I said I was okay with it. I really wish that you could forgive me for my mistake but I understand why you don't. It's been over four years since the separation though. You've got to have forgiven me by now.

Letter #3

Dear Louis, my love,

Today I thought a lot about what you said about love knocking us down. How come love has the ability to knock us down but not help us get back up again? Why does love have to be such a struggle? It's worth the struggle, but it's still a struggle. I would give absolutely anything to start over with you. To go to the very beginning and buy you that Yorkshire tea again. I love you so much and I should have showed it more. I really was an asshole wasn't I? I just hope that one day we can start over again and make it work this time. I really do love you, Louis; always will.

Letter #4

Dear Louis, my love,

Good morning, loverly. I've decided to start my day off by writing my letter to you first. Last night I had a dream about you and I and everything was normal. It was set around the beginning of the affair, but in this world, the affair never happened. I like to think of the dream as what should have happened. I never should have cheated and we'd be together right now if I had just stayed faithful to you, my love. If I ever get a chance to be with you again, I am not screwing up again. Anyways, I have to go have a shitty shower now alone. I miss our showers together. I'll be thinking about you today. I love you, my Boobear.

Letter #5

Dear Louis, my love,

Out of pure instinct I almost called you today when I saw something in the mall that you like. I was shopping for lots of stuff and I now have an entire cupboard filled with Yorkshire tea. You know I'm a coffee drinker but every time I go shopping I buy some more Yorkshire tea to add to the cupboard. I know it's silly of me but sometimes when I'm extremely lonely, I like to pretend that you're still living with me. I'm also sure that there are a lot of things in the fridge that I don't even like to eat but somehow the stuff still ends up disappearing. I'm assuming that Liam is eating it because we live together.

Letter #6

Dear Louis, my love,

Today was a terrible day, my beloved. I saw you on a walk with Anthony and was compelled to run up to you and talk but saw Colton with the two of you. Oh how I hate to see you happy with him. I really want you to be happy, my love. I just don't like to see you happy with someone else. I wish you would be happy with me and break things off with him. You probably wonder how I know his name, yeah? Well, I'm pretty sure you have told me once or so and I've heard you call him that before when you two were in the mall. I swear that I'm not stalking you. I just happen to be in the same places as you sometimes. Well, a lot of the times. But I swear I'm not stalking you. I like to believe that it's fate trying to put us together again. Anyways, I love you, Louis.

Letter #7

Dear Louis, my love,

I saw you at the mall again with Niall this time. You two were talking about something and I'm not sure what it was. I could have gotten close enough to hear, but that's rude to eavesdrop so I didn't. Plus, I didn't even mean to see you at the mall. I thank fate for the opportunity though. Sometimes I wonder if it's actually you who is stalking me. Anyways, I love you, my beloved Louis.

Letter #8

Dear Louis, my love,

I have been thinking a lot about you today, which means a lot of vodka has been downed. I am writing to you a little less sober than usually. The nice bartender told me today that I should just come to you and tell you how I feel. I can't just come see you though. I haven't seen you in over four years and I missed my chance to say goodbye. Louis, I love you so much and I miss you terribly. Please forgive me and come back to me. We could be so very happy if you'd just give me another chance. Please! Please! Please! I don't know why I even bother to beg you. It's not like you can even read this or any of these anyways. Why do I even bother? I guess I kind of wish that I could show you these one day. At the same time though, I think I'd be too nervous to show any of these to you. I have to go to sleep now, my beloved. I'll make sure to write more to you tomorrow. I hope you are very happy. Night, Louis.