NLH- Author's Note

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To all my amazing fans out there,

I want to first apologize and humbly ask for your forgiveness for not uploading anything for these past many months. At the present Life has prevented any form of atmosphere for the absolute creative mind. Between struggles with all the pros and cons of filing for full on divorce, working hard at work and gaining a lack of tutolage toward my advancement, and finally suffering from a massive broken heart due to the tragic lose of a beloved sister, you can start to see how Life was preventing me from continuing on. Where I had once reveled in the ability to slip words from my fingertips, I start crying nearly the moment I start to write anything. Even now, I am trying my hardest to get this down before I'm a blubbering mess.

As the months have slipped by since her death, the pain of her loss only increases. And now with the effects of Bronchitis still taking hold with early onset of Phnemonia, the phrase "can't catch my breath" is more than real. I was given an inhaler, but can only have it twice every four to six hours, so I must be cautious as to my emotional state. More times than not since I got sick a month ago, I've been unable to catch my breath and had needed the inhale only to be past the two intakes. The pain that still grips me with unable to breath is more than I hope you all will ever experience. So mourning my sister has taken on a whole other level in pain.

I hope you all will bare with me as I continue to struggle with all the issues within my Life that is slower draining any amount as creativity and joy from my heart. I fear that I have slipped into a depression as of late and no matter what my friends have tried, I'm just not feeling like I can be happy right now. That has translated into a form of writer's block that is very crippling.

Another aspect of my heart break is wrapped around someone who had known my sister and promised to try to be there for me. He has since left me to my misery without a care (it seems to me) that I am still massively suffering. I was given his word he wouldn't leave me, and here I sit a month later and he's not been there at all. I don't blame him either. I'm not worthy or worth that kind of effort. It was a blessing at all he gave me the time or the day as he had in the past. His absence has ripped me up more than I think he'll ever know. Rip open the wound of my sister's death that seems to never go away. The necklace she left for me as her last request hangs with a heavy burden that makes me feel even more unworthy in this life.

So please forgive me my Fans,

Kat Coitier

Blessed be your day and your life...

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