One day at a time..

Chapter 2: Alli or Allie?

[Charles]

"Char!" I hear a happy voice say from behind me

"Yeah Al...lie?" I say half expecting to turn around and see the beautiful brown haired, blue eyed girl whose smile could melt my heart standing in front of me. I almost feel disappointed when I see the blonde haired Allie Wesenberg standing in front of me.

"It's almost time to go find the stage..." she says with a smile.

I force a smile back, "You're right."

I grab her hand and intertwine her fingers with mine. I still crave for Alli Speed's touch. One touch and she would set my skin on fire, making me crave more of her body against mine.

I snap back into the here and now when Allie squeezes my hand. "You okay?" she says looking concerned.

"Yeah, I'm good." I say forcing another smile. "Just nervous."

She pretends to look shocked. "You? You're never nervous."

I chuckle. "I know. Big surprise."

We make our way over to the band's trailer where I find NerdRock tuning my bass. He hands it to me and says "Get ready guys."

Allie leans in and kisses my cheek as Josiah snaps a picture of us. Great, another picture to post on social networking for all the fans to leave hate comments on. But at least it makes me look like I don't miss Alli. I feel broken inside, like everything is crumbling and falling apart. I feel every piece of me rip as I think about the woman I love... loved. No, love. I still love her and always will. But no one knows that, no one but me. I appear happy with this Allie and I suppose that's all that matters. But can I live without Alli Trippy?

I know this is my fault because I'm the one who was with Allie Wesenberg before Alli and I were even separated. But I was just so scared. I knew she was going to leave me. We did nothing but argue and she repeatedly told me how unhappy she was. So before she could leave me high and dry, I met Allie. We hit it off well and soon I began seeing her. Then Alli decided it would be best if we took time away from each other. So she started packing and I let things get hot and heavy with Allie Wes. But Alli found out about her and she packed up and left, immediately asking for a divorce. So I went and filed. I was just giving her what she wants. I hate myself every day for fucking this up. If I wouldn't have started this thing with Allie, then I could've worked things out with my wife. Every time Allie smiles at me, touches me, or even kisses me, I still crave Alli Trippy... Well... Alli Speed.

Why didn't I fight for us? If I would've just pushed her, we could've made things work. I fucked up by starting a relationship with Allie Wesenberg. Every time I look at Allie I am filled with resentment for choosing her over my Alli, my wife. But I also feel a pressing need to be happy with Allie and get rid of any ties I have with my wife... Uh, ex-wife.

One more day, just one more day and I could still have the beautiful brown haired, blue eyed girl that I married. If I would've made a little bit more of an effort, I wouldn't have had to see the way I ruined her when she found out about Allie. But what's even worse is the fact that I'm destroying myself more than anyone for fucking this all up.

Allie Wesenberg is amazing. She's funny, sweet, kind, pretty, down to earth, and she even acts like a kid with me. I could see a future with her. But she's no Alli Trippy... Fuck, why do I keep thinking that? Speed. SPEED. She's gone. I lost her. She fell through my fingertips. She is not mine anymore. Speed, not Trippy.

All around me I hear Travis start warming up and then the pep talk starts. And next thing I know, we are filing on stage.

As I've told my viewers a thousand times, there is nothing that beats the feeling I get when I am on stage. To see all of the fans that support me and the rest of We The Kings is amazing. Warped Tour is the best tour we play because they are probably the most down to earth, most real shows we play. When I look out into the crowd and see how many CTFxCers are out there, I realize I have touched that many people and THAT is what keeps me going. I started the CTFxC with Alli as a dare. We began doing videos of our lives every day and it became my hobby. It became my life. And right now, it is the only thing holding me together. It's the only thing I have left that will always be a part of both Alli and I... the only thing besides our memories.

But when I am on stage, the pain goes away. I forget for a short time that I lost everything. I forget about my health problems, I forget about everything but me, the music, and the fans.

In between songs, I turned to see Allie smiling at me and I felt my heart crumble. I love her. At least I can try to love her and start a new life with her. But I still expected to turn around and see a smiling Alli waiting to cheer me on. Nothing was better than the rush I got from being on stage and then being able to turn around and kiss the girl of my dreams.

She's everywhere I go. She is in everything I do. She is in the memories of touring. She is in the music that I hear Travis singing. She is in my soul as I play the bass and I think about how she helped me get my life back and start playing music again after my surgeries. She's in the movies I watch. She's in the comments I read on my videos.

Will I ever be able to start a life with the new Allie? Can I actually make myself happy with her and forget all about my Alli.

She's everywhere. She's in my memories. Alli Trippy will forever be a part of my life.

I look back at Allie standing off stage and know in a couple minutes I will be standing there hugging her. But is it really her I want to be with?

Will I ever be able to move on?