One day at a time..

Chapter 5: Hate because of love

[Charles]

I wake up in my bunk with Allie nestled by my side. Her arm is wrapped around my chest and the other is beneath her. Her mouth is slightly open as she snores softly. I feel a smile spread across my face as I lean down and kiss her forehead. Her eyes flutter open as big, sleepy, blue eyes stare up at me. "Good morning," she says after yawning. A sleepy smile breaks across her face as she leans up to kiss me. These are the moments that leads me to believe that I could have a future with her.

"Well good morning, sleepyhead." I smile at her. I look into her eyes hoping to find a glimpse of my Alli. But they're a different shade of blue and my hope quickly fades.

She stretches and my mind drifts back to the days of when Alli came on tour. The first time I had to share my bunk with anyone. It was a long first night that she spent on the bus. We stayed up all night, just laughing about how close we had to be to stay comfortable in the bunk. We watched movies and listened to music. It was a rough show the next day because I was tired and worn down. But I would trade anything to have moments like that night with Alli back.

Just then Duncan walks through the bunks yelling for us all to get up. I slide out from under Allie and climb out of my bunk. Danny is already standing in the little kitchen area, rifling through the cupboard looking for food. I laugh and reach in my bunk. I yell to Danny and as he turns around, I toss him a pack of Pop Tarts.

"Thanks, dude!" Danny laughs.

I quickly pull on a pair of cut-off jeans. I sort through my suitcase until I find a clean Vans tshirt. After dressing, I see Allie climbing out of my bunk. She smiles at me before grabbing clothes and walking to the bathroom.

I grab my phone and camera and plop down on the couch in the living area. 15 minutes until I have to make my way towards the trailer before show time. I start vlogging. I yell towards the back of the bus to find out what city we're in. No one answers me so I just laugh and continue talking to the camera.

10 minutes left until I need to be at the trailer. I put my camera down and grab my phone. I start scrolling through Instagram and see a ton of comments like 'Alli > Allie' and people talking about Allie being trashy.

I suddenly flash back to the day that I found out that Allie had a criminal record. She asked if I wanted to go to a bar so I had to explain that I can't drink due to all of the medications I'm on for the cancer and seizures. Sure enough, she explained that she needs to cut back on drinking. One night, she was out with a bunch of friends. She drank too much and her judgement was impaired. She got behind the wheel of a car, stupid mistake. Eventually, she was pulled over and soon arrested, charged with a DUI.

Once the viewers went digging up information about Allie, they found the information on her DUI. So things have been blowing up. Allie has gotten drunk around me once. She's a sloppy drunk and quite annoying. But I still feel the need to defend her because I can't look like I still care about Alli. She seems to be moving on with all the vacations she's been going on, so I need to move on also. The only option I have is to agree with the hate comments. One in particular stands out at me. "Alli > Allie #classynottrashy #sorrynotsorry"

What the fuck do I do here? After that comment, everyone attacked Alli Speed. Sure, Alli Speed drank. She was crazy and sometimes out of hand. But she is also grown up and responsible. She is strong and independent. But I can't let my new girlfriend be bashed on and not do anything about it. So I decide to comment back. "Mkay lets go watch drunk gaming and talk."

I know I also came up with idea of drunk gaming and supported her along the way but it's not my responsibility anymore. I need to defend Allie.

Then I see that someone commented back to the girl that said Allie is trashy... "Alli was far from classy. She drank like a fish, cursed alot, and did flip people off. So your theory is broken."

I'm mad. I'm mad at Alli for leaving. I'm mad at myself for cheating. I'm mad at Allie for even coming into my life. I'm mad at the CTFxCers for splitting and hating anyone, no matter who it is. I'm just mad, all the time.

I just know I have to appear strong. I have to act like I'm happy. And doing so requires me to be against Alli. So I comment back "there we go"... Agreeing with the girl who said Alli is far from classy.

I stick my phone in my pocket and make my way to the bathroom to see if Allie is ready to make our way to the stage. My chest feels heavy, I feel broken. Why would I talk shit on Alli? I still love her. This is harder than I thought it would be.

"Babe, you ready?" I say to Allie as I watch her braid her long blonde hair over one shoulder.

"Yes sir," she says with a smile. After tying off the end of her braid, she leans forward and plants a kiss on my lips.

I quickly pull my Chucks on and grab my camera. I take Allie's hand as we exit the bus. We follow the sound of the music, hoping we'll find our way to the main stage.

I pull out my camera and vlog a little. Allie squeezes me hand giving me a dorky smile. With her free hand, she tugs on her blonde braid and tucks a few loose strands of hair behind her ears. Her blue eyes shine in the sunlight.

I feel like something is caught in my throat. Once again, I threw everything away for this pretty, young, blonde girl. Will I ever learn?

I smile and plant a kiss on her lips before grabbing my bass. I make my way to the stage as I hear her yell, "Good luck, baby!!"