One day at a time..

Chapter 10: Well Told Lies

[Charles]

The day that Allie was flying home finally arrived. I was actually kind of upset that she was leaving. Now I was going to be lost in my thoughts with no one to distract me.

I finally decided that I had to face the fact that this girl told me she loves me. I could love her too, if I really tried.

Josiah and Duncan rented a car because they had errands they needed to run. But they let me borrow the car for the time being to run Allie to the airport.

As she gets out of the car, I walk to the back and open the trunk to take her luggage out. Before walking in the building we stop outside the doors.

"I don't wanna go back," she says quietly.

"I know. I don't want you to leave either." I say, leaning against the building.

"I'm gonna miss you," she says and her voice breaks.

"I know, babe. I'll miss you too." Do I mean that? Sure I do. I do like spending time with Allie. She makes me laugh. She makes me happy. But every part of me misses Alli. I always miss Alli. But over time, I will start to miss her less. Yes, I can do this. I can start a life with this new Allie. She's pretty, funny, and she acts immature with me. I can make myself love her.

"I'll fly back out in a couple weeks for a few shows," Allie says with a smile.

"Allie, I..." I start.

Her face contorts into a sad look. "What? I won't come back if you don't want me to."

"No. No, it's just... The other day... When I was... Uhhh.... I.. Uhhh...." I start rambling, unsure of what to say.

"What? Charles, you what?" Allie says sounding worried.

I take a shaky breath. "The other day, after my seizure, when... I... Uhhh... Went to sleep in my bunk..."

Her eyes widen, "Yeah?"

"I heard..." I start. "Well, I heard you say..."

"Oh, that? Yeah, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable." She says, stepping away from me. "Don't mind that. Please just pretend that you didn't hear anything. I didn't mean to... Well... I'm sorry... I just..."

Before she can say anything else, I reach out and grab her waist. Pulling her against me, my hands slide up her back and twist into her hair. I tilt her head up so she looks into my eyes. "I love you too." I say before kissing her lips slowly. She deepens the kiss as she wraps her arms around my lower back. I feel her smile against my lips.

Before either of us breaks apart, I feel the all too familiar twinge of disappointment in my stomach. Although the want of Alli is lessened, I feel horrible for lying to my girlfriend. I don't love her yet, but I will. I will force myself to be happy with her. Allie doesn't deserve someone as shitty as me and I most certainly don't deserve someone as sweet as her. But I really need this. I need her to help me move on. Everything may not work out the way I've always wanted it to but I'm hoping that I'll be okay in the end.

She pulls her head back, both of us breathing heavily. I lean my forehead against her. She looks into my eyes and whispers, "Really?"

I can't stand lying to her so I just kiss her again, harder this time. It is more of a need than a want.

Finally, she pulls away and grabs her suitcase. She tosses her long, wavy blonde hair over her shoulder. Sighing, she pulls her carry on bag onto her shoulder.

She leans forward and places her hand on my neck. Then her fingers slide to the back of my head, pulling my face to hers. She kisses me, that's when I feel the fresh tears on her face. Then she steps back, looks into my eyes, and a sad smile spreads across her lips. Her blue eyes twinkle with the tears, looking darker.

Images of Alli's eyes flash through my mind. When she cried, her eyes always looked green, the green and brown specs in her eyes stood out.

I sigh after finally breaking my eyes away from Allie's face.

A few emotions cross her face before she says, "I love you."

I pretend to look at her face, but I really look passed her head. "I love you too, Alli." I say suddenly.

It wasn't a lie. I'm an asshole for saying that to her, but it wasn't a lie. I do love Alli. Just not the right Allie.

I stand there as I watch her disappear through the doors, the image of her long blonde hair against her purple shirt burned into my mind.

After making my way back to the bus, I eat a banana and eventually watch a movie in my bunk before falling asleep. When I wake up, we'll be in Boston.

Boston: full of memories.