One day at a time..

Chapter 8: Apologies

After dinner, Christine questioned me about Charles and sent me on a guilt trip. Once she realized that I miss him, she scorned me like a young child and I felt ashamed. But what can I say? I love Charles. And I always will.

A few days later, I finally decided to log onto my Instagram account while I laid on the couch with Chico.

My mom was in the shower and my dad was out working in the garage. I have a ton of notifications from people tagging me in the comments of one of Charles' pictures. I decided to scroll through the comments to see what all of the fuss was about.

I covered my mouth just before the smile a creeped across my face when I read comments about me being better than Allie. But then that's when I saw what everyone was referring to. Some girl called me classy, and the other Allie trashy. Until someone else stepped in and basically called me a drunk... And Charles agreed...

I could feel my heart shattering in my chest. I felt a sob escape my mouth. Just two days ago I was basically asking Lindsey about him. I thought maybe he was still a good guy. I was confused when Lindsey said that he has changed. But I thought maybe my Charles was still in there, deep down. But he's not. Charles would NEVER have truly talked bad about someone, let alone on social media. This is not my husband... ex-husband. The man I knew is gone.

I finally felt the tears running down my cheeks and sobs escaped my body. Chico curled up against me as I cried.

Just then, my phone rang. I looked at the caller I.D. Charles??? What the hell did he want?!

I wipe my eyes, take a deep breath, and answer the phone. "Hello?" I say. SHIT! You can tell I've been crying.

"Alli." I hear Charles' breathless voice on the other end.

"Yeah? What?" I say trying to stay calm.

"I am so so sorry. I've called to apologize for what I've said. I was just upset and acted in a moment of pain." He says too quickly.

How the hell did he have such perfect timing. And that's when I realize that his speech is slow...

"Alli? Please, I'm sorry. I hope you can forgive me." Charles says quietly.

"Charles... Are you... alright?" I ask slowly.

"I... Uhhh... Are you alright? You've been crying..." he actually sounds like he cares.

This is the first time I have actually heard his voice in over six months, well other than when I have watched his vlogs. I am filled with so many emotions. Love, lust, need, pain, and hate. Right now I am hurt and I want to hate him but I can't. My chest feels hollow and I can barely breath.

"You had a seizure." I say calmly.

"You always know just what to say to cheer me up, Allison." He says and laughs.

"Charles, look, I accept your apology. You have clearly had a seizure and I do hope you are alright. Let me know if you need anything, as you know I'll always be here for you. However, at this time I am too hurt to speak to you. Thank you for manning up and apologizing. Best of luck." I say and hang up the phone.

I just hung up on my EX-husband.

Suddenly, I am no longer crying. I feel strong. I feel like I got a piece of me back. I am one step closer to stealing myself back from the many I once loved.

No, I do still love him. And I always will. But right now, I feel nothing but hate for the man I once gave my life to.