Don't Stay Where You Don't Belong (Harry Styles Fan Fiction)

Chapter 1 - Big City Life

Chapter 1 - Big City Life

Grace 

London

And just like that, I arrived in London. I can’t believe how impulsively I just acted. I knew as soon as I got on that plane this was a stupid idea. Stupid Grace. You’re so stupid…

Sigh.. I guess I should explain myself a little right? Okay, well my name is Grace Foster, I’m 18 years old and I ran away from home, and about a little over 7 hours ago I decided it was a good idea to leave the US and come to London. Stupid, I know, I don‘t even know where I‘m going in this city. I’m American well..no technically I’m from England, but I grew up in Long Island, New York. 

Funny story about that actually. When my mother was pregnant with me, about 6 months in, they went to visit my uncle on my dads side in Manchester for the summer and surely enough I came a month before they expected me to. On August 22nd 1994 I was born, prematurely. I would say my parents weren’t too pleased with the idea that a. I came early, and b. I was now legally British. It’d make living in the US a bit more difficult in their eyes, but we managed. I would say that in my last 18 years of life, being a natural born citizen of England wasn’t the problem in my family. The problem was me. 

I got through all the security and left the airport. I had my debit and credit card, so I guess money wouldn’t be a real issue since I had a lot saved up. That is until I .. run out, and since I technically didn’t even have anywhere to go I’m assuming I’d be running out of that money very quickly. Funny thing is I was saving up that money to buy myself a car before I started college.. Ugh. Shit. College. I’d forgotten all about the fact that in September I was to start my freshmen year. See, this is why I’m stupid. How would I ever get the money to go back? And if I go back.. I can’t go back home. No. I always told myself if I left that wretched place I’d never go back, especially since I wasn’t even wanted there. 

You see, the reason I “ran away” (I use the quotation marks because since I’m 18, I’m actually not legally considered a run away child..) was because me and my parents really have never gotten along. I love them, I mean their my parents. But. Ugh. Let’s start from the beginning, shall we? Well when I was 3, my parents had another child, my baby sister Alice. She was spoiled and perfect. Definitely the favorite, naturally I hated the idea that I would always have to be in her shadow. I didn’t hate her for it though, out of everyone in my family, Alice was the sweetest. She always cared for me and stuck up for me when my parents were being unreasonable. Heck, if it wasn’t for her I would have been given up for adoption or disowned years ago.. I suppose it wasn’t all my parents fault. I could have acted better. I have a problem with acting impulsively, as you can see by the fact that I took a plane all the way to London! When I get mad I do crazy things. 

Two nights ago I had a fight with my parents. It’s always two against one, with them. I could see in their eyes lately that they had lost hope in me as their child, and as a person. They hated and resented me. And I knew it. I can’t take being a disappointment to anyone.. I was a fucking train wreck and I knew it. I can’t help it. I can’t be a disappointment, I refuse to be a failure. And I think when I realized how fucked up I was, I started to get worse. And as I got worse, so did our fights. That’s really all I’ve known my whole life. I’ve always been a disappointment; never had good grades, never had many friends, did anything I wanted, snuck out, drank, did drugs, and that's when my dad started beating me, they didn’t even speak to me anymore... it was getting so out of hand and I became depressed. I would lash out at everyone and everything. That’s no life to live. I couldn’t take it. I cried myself to sleep every night, whether it was in my bed or sometimes I’d even walk to the park and sleep there. I was scared for myself. Where was I going in life? 

It scares me a little, and now to top it all off I‘m the stupid girl who took a plane to a city and country she‘s never even been to since she was fucking born. 

Fuck.

I took a taxi to some random restaurant in London so that I could eat. I know I don’t have much money, but heck I was hungry and I was going to spoil myself while I still had the chance. Maybe enjoy my last few actual meals before I’d run out of money. Ugh. This whole idea of being alone in a country and city I don’t know was really starting to get to me now. 

When I was getting on the plane I was thinking about how excited I was. I mean.. a fresh new start in an amazing city. I hadn’t thought about the consequences of when I actually got here. Like how I’d even get to start a new life without much money, a place to live, or a job. About two hours into the flight it started to sink in. The chances of me going back to school or seeing anyone from back home again were slim to none. 

I decided to write a song, and that was probably the most productive thing I’ve done in a while. I like writing music. It’s the only talent I have really. Since I was young, I guess because I was always such a sad person I always wrote it down. It helps me feel better. I hate crying and feeling sad, it makes me feel weak and vulnerable. I am NEVER weak or vulnerable in front of anyone, except for Alice. She understands me. 

I pulled out my notebook while I was in the taxi and read my song. 

My black backpack's stuffed with broken dreams

20 bucks should get me through the week

Never said a word of discontentment

Fought it a thousand times but now

I'm leaving home

Here in the shadows 

I'm safe

I'm free 

I've nowhere else to go but

I cannot stay where I don't belong

Two months pass by and it's getting cold

I know I'm not lost 

I am just alone

But I won't cry

I won't give up

I can't go back now

Waking up is knowing who you really are

Here in the shadows 

I'm safe

I'm free 

I've nowhere else to go but

I cannot stay where I don't belong

Show me the shadow where true meaning lies

So much more dismay in empty eyes

I cried reading it, the tears burned while they ran down my face. What had I done to myself? Why couldn’t my parents understand or listen? Why did I have to be such a fuck up? What’s wrong with me? 

I’m so stupid. So incredibly stupid.