Don't Stay Where You Don't Belong (Harry Styles Fan Fiction)

Chapter 22 - Reunited And It Feels So Awkward

Chapter 22 - Reunited And It Feels So Awkward

Harry

"You can't use two hands, man! That's cheating!" Zayn yelled as he shot up from his seat across from Louis, but still not letting go of his hand. The two had been in a heated arm wrestling contest for the past twenty minutes, this being their best eleven out of twelfth tie breaker. Neither of them seem to be okay with losing this thing and just keep finding reasons to disqualify the other. 

"Harry, tell Boobear here you can't use your other hand in an arm wrestle," Zayn exclaimed as he turned around to face me. I didn't even bother looking up, their little game was amusing at first but now it's getting tiring. As Louis and Zayn continue their argument, going on about who won, both Liam and I slumped in our seats waiting for Niall to come back so we can start recording once again. I wonder where that boy has been, he doesn't usually roam the halls this long, at least not during our breaks. He tends to stall time when we are actually working, which can be quite funny when he gets yelled at by management. I roll my eyes at my two band mates as I slide my finger across my phones' screen, scrolling through my mentions on twitter. I skim most of them, not bothering to read all since that would take me ages, following some randoms here and there. 

FOLLOW ME HARRY @AvaHoran97

@Harry_Styles Marry me? ;)

Emily @1dl0v3r

@Harry_Styles you'll never notice me :( </3 

LauraaaaaStyles @itslauraaa

@Harry_Styles I love you so much Harry, please follow me! 

I sighed as I read. Seeing some of the tweets I got a daily basis sort of bums me out lately. I know I should be happy because of all the support and love I get, especially because most of them are girls. What guy wouldn't want thousands of girls to adore him? But I guess I've been feeling sort of weird about girls and my love life recently, mostly because I don't have one. Every time I check my mentions or DMs, I hope that one of them will be from her, but they never are. And ever since I got back from the States without Grace I stopped trying to look for anyone or anything. For a while I was hopeful, maybe I'll see her again, maybe my plan will work out. But it's been four months since I gave Simon the book with her lyrics in it and still nothing. I guess everything that happened with Grace was for a reason and maybe I'll find someone eventually, but for now I need to concentrate on forgetting about her. But that's so much easier said than done. Do you know what it feels like to have everything remind you of that one person? God, it's so crazy. I didn't even know her for that long but I feel as if I knew her my whole life. I never expected or asked to feel this way about anyone. I never knew you could fall for someone this fast and hard, but I have. I'd do anything to go back and change that night, to have her back, to at least know what's going on with her. I find myself constantly wanting to know. Four fucking months and I still want to know. This isn't healthy and it's seriously killing me. I can't even talk about it with the boys anymore, I feel pathetic. Louis tries to bring it up from time to time, but I just can't bring myself to talk about it. I'm Harry Styles. I'm not supposed to fall this hard for someone who's forgotten all about me. I'm not supposed to love anyone at this age. I don't want to feel this way. Love is supposed to be beautiful, but for me it's done nothing but make me feel like shit. 

This happens whenever I decide to look through my mentions, which is why lately I haven't even bothered to do follow or tweet sprees. It isn't worth feeling this way. The fans probably think I'm being rude or unappreciative, but they have no idea. And it sucks, you know. It sucks how hard it is to not be able to share your own feelings with your fans, to not let them know you're hurting because you have to be cool and happy all the time or else rumors start. Fame is hard enough to deal with, but hiding your own feelings? According to management that's the best way to do things; pretend as if you're a womanizer and have no feelings, while inside I couldn't be more emotional. Having to pretend and act as if you're something you're not, well that's the absolute worse. I exit out of the twitter app, not bothering to follow or reply to anyone for today.