You Don't Have To Read This

Pact & More

When I started middle school, I made a friend, and we made a pact. The pact is: If one of us commit suicide, we both commit suicide. We said it will last till the end of highschool. That Pact has kept me from some dark times, and I'm just now realizing that. The friend and I are still friends, infact, we're best friends. I'm not sure how much it helped her, but I know it helped me, because I knew that I would be taking someone else's life with me.

I'm just glad we both stayed true to the pact.

Although, lately, she's been going through some tough times. I've been trying to help her.

I've been explaining to her how I view life.

Life is like we're swimming. Eventually, we'll start sinking. Some people have had planks and boards and cheats (People who have everything and are actually happy throughout their life). Others need life rafts. Life rafts, as I described, are people you care for. We all need it eventually, some of us before the others. But sometimes, you don't get a life raft. Sometimes, you have no hope and no cheat and no raft, and nothing except for yourself, yet you refuse to let yourself die. Like, no matter how much you try, you just can't force yourself to go under. To go to the deeps. I've described that as when you are too much of a wimp to hurt yourself. That, when you have no life raft, no hope, no light, and you just want to sink, yet you can't force yourself.

It's a horrible feeling, cause you seem to sink deeper in the water, yet you can still breath. It's like life is playing a cruel trick on people and saying, "Oh, you don't want me anymore? Hah! Too bad!"

And as you watch everything that's causing you to ache close in on yourself, you feel helpless, knowing you can't escape it but knowing you can't stop it.

It's as if... as if... as if... You are trapped in a room, filled with water, with the walls coming closer and closer. Sharks swim in the water under you, making you know that escape will be painful, but as the walls close in, you understand you can do nothing. You have no hope as there is no other escape and even if you try going down, there is a net that you have to get through for you to actually escape your problems. The room is blocked off on all sides and the walls closing in and the death below with the block keeping you from it and as the walls get closer you can't help but burst! It hurts the others around you and you feel worse, but you can do nothing and, and...

Ugh! If you understand, I am so sorry. If you don't, please try to keep it that way. For those who aren't either, bless your soul.

Sorry to bother y'all, I just had to share this stuff.