You Don't Have To Read This

I swear

My mom just called my dad a faggot in a very demeaning tone and if she wasnt drunk af my response to her would've scared her. I just could not deal with their arguing and I first interjected with yelling for them to stop arguing but then my stupid ass mother said that and I practically growled out my response at her.

She kept saying things to my dad in a demeaning tone, like calling him a cissy boy and other insults to his manliness and I can honestly not be any angrier at her!

She thinks that men have to be masculine and women should be rulers! She thinks that just because shes a woman that my dad shouldnt call the cops on her if he's worried about his safety! She is so sexist and demeaning to everyone that I just don't understand how I don't give a fuck if a guy isnt masculine.

She also seems to think that I should have no fucking opinion, yet when they're in an argument I'm the first she'll look to to solve it!

The second I try to be helpful, both of them ignore it! I've tried to fucking help them, yet nothing works because my mom blames everyone but herself and my dad doesn't feel as if any of it can be solved by him doing sh!t and this entire situation is just so fucking stressful and overwhelming, yet if I even think about expressing how overwhelmed I am my mother will call me a fucking baby!

Every time shes drunk shes a demon, but when shes not she just harbors her feelings for when shes drunk to let them burst in a fiery volcano of lava!

I dont know how to handle any of this, especially with it being summer. I can't trap myself in my room because I'm not allowed to have the door shut and my dad keeps playing shows we both like that he expects me to watch, yet they argue every fucking night and it just makes me want to scream at them to stop and see reason and compromise yet they never will and they wont listen to me in any way because I'm just a dumb child, yet they keep telling me I'm smart in any other circumstance.

And fucking God, after contemplating it I'm scared because I don't want repeats of what's been happening lately. I'm scared and I'm not even 100% sure why. I mean, my mom won't hurt me... And I'm fine, I'm too scared to even hurt myself with a knife so nothing will happen to me.
I just don't know what to do anymore and I just instinctively correct my mom nowadays but afterward I just feel more scared of what she'll do and I refuse to tell anyone I know what's going on because I still love her and things will change so much without her and just....

Sorry. Thanks for reading, if you even are. This has helped me in many ways and I don't even know why, but it has helped so freaking much. So thanks. You people are awesome.