You Don't Have To Read This

Stupid shit.

Life was actually going pretty good for awhile. Until life just decided to slap me in the face!

It started one weekend when my parents got drunk again and got into a huge fight. Later on, I found out that my dad lost his job. Don't worry, he found another one recently, but more than a dozen things went wrong in that time. Whenever my dad's home, they drink atleast a little bit. But now that he's home constantly, they drink alot more. It's been horrible. I can't go to any events with my church or anything, and karate has taken over my life.

I haven't seen any of my friends all summer, and I'm dreading my new school because I will know no one. I have spoken to my friends, but it's not the same, and I can't act like myself around my parents so I never call anyone. Everything's going horrible, and my only escapes are turning any YouTube videos I watch on high, and writing. Which, my parents tell me not to do all the time, that I'm not Christian enough, and... I'm just... I can't deal with this much longer.

Schools starting soon though, so it might get better. I'm staying strong, atleast. Plus, I'm too squimish to do any actual harm to my body. I just wish I could talk to the people I trust... People keep telling me to talk to the people I trust, to confront the people who hurt me, and all that stuff...

But how can I when I'm afraid of the results?

I have this dream catcher above my bed. I don't understand the concept of it exactly, but this is how it's been explained to me. The feathers that hang down catch all your dreams. The net keeps the bad dreams, makes you forget them, while the beads send the good dreams back down to you.

I never remember my dreams when I wake up. Never. And that worries me. I wonder what I dream about at night. If the dream catcher actually works, or if I just don't dream. In the morning, I make up these weird elaborate stories in place of my dreams, tell my parents them. But I always wonder what happens in my head when I'm asleep. I'm thinking about getting rid of the dream catcher.

I hope you all are doing okay. If you aren't, tell me. I'd love to help in any way I can. Plus, it's always good to share. I should know.

Thank you, for anyone who actually reads this. I doubt anyone does anymore, but if you do, Thank you.  I'm sorry I'm bothering you all out there.