I shivered at the facial expression and reaction of her backing off a bit, looking serious, concerned yet mad, i really wanted to die right now.
"Wendy?" I asked, quietly. Everyone else was fucking quiet, it gave me such anxiety.
I had thought about just running off, but I froze because of her sight on me.
Why is this such an awkward moment now ? Last time she took it chill.
She sighed, heavy, looking down at her hands and fiddled with them before taking mine, pulling my hand with my body upstairs and out the basement. We were in Thompson's living room, it was quite neat, that's besides the point though.
"Dipper" she started, quietly, still not looking back at me.
"How?" She asked, finally looking up. I liked looking at her, making eye contact with her and listening to her, speaking with her too. But all those feelings were gone, and I didn't want them anymore right now, not in this moment.
"How, What?" I asked, hopefully I wasn't sounding rude or stupid.
"How could you?" She asked, and broke the surprisingly long eye contact we shared, staring back down at her feet.
"Could I What?" I asked, still confused as hell.
"Be in...in love with me" she spoke, and made eye contact with me again. Personally, the whole breaking of eye contact thing was getting a bit frustrating for me, but let's be honest, I just told Wendy I loved her, she must be dying of frustration right now.
"I..." i trailed off, but I couldn't finish it. "Why not? How could I not, wendy?" I asked back, and she shook her head, breathing out and sighing heavy.
"Look, Dipper, I really think -"
"-wendy, have you even met yourself? How could you not be in love with someone like you, with you, because there'll never be someone like you, there's only you. You're the coolest person I know, and you're so pretty, and you're so nice and you've been great to me ever since I came back, fuck, ever since we've met. I don't know why I fucking said that I'm in love with you, and if I meant it that way, but I swear to god never ask a guy why he is in love with you, because you're who you are."
Wendy's eyes looked straight into mine, and they filled with tears, getting closer, and I felt the tension that we were going to kiss, but that imagination broke soon as she backed off again, shaking her head and looking away, before looking back at me.
Her eyes ; disappointed, frustrated, mad, surprised, sad, angry, scared, panicked, killing.
My god, I've never knew that eye contact spoke more than just a stare, but it did, and it felt terrifying right now.
I really felt like dying, I really wanna die, I thought.
I'm not depressed very often, and I haven't even thought of things like that ever, just taking away a life. But right now, as my heart shattered into million pieces, over and over again, just by her look, I really thought for the first time that being dead and gone was a better option.
She'd be staring at the wall instead of me, this hideous painting behind me, and she wouldn't have an issue of thought right now. I wouldn't be feeling this horrible, this sick, this sad. She wouldn't see me, god, I already think she's looking straight through me.
I wish I'd be invisible right now. I wish everything would stop right now. I felt so bad for her. Her wasting her evening with her friends with this teen boys drama.
"D-dipper.." she trailed off, stuttering quietly, words hard to come out. While I struggled to even breathe properly, I couldn't talk at all. Tears were also forming mine, more than hers, but it was hard to see.
"I-I'm Sorry" she whispered, before walking away, back downstairs.
I watched her leave, the way she breathed in and out quickly as she got downstairs and knocked on the door, and I just heard her say something that made her sound happy.
Was she though?
I wasn't at all. And I knew I couldn't take it at all. And this was the first time I've ever felt really lonely. Extremely lonely.
And then, after frustratedly tugging on my hair and going in circles to find some sort of answer to this mess, I leaned against the wall, sliding down as my hands travelled their way to cover my face, and my eyes haunted with tears let the horror go.
Finally.
And I just sat there, crying and sobbing, uncontrollably breathing, until there was a time where the tear faucet turned off and I had no tears left, and I calmed, a burning headache following after, before I decided to go take a walk, resulting to go back home.
