My Poems

Today

Today I woke up and decided that I was going to have a shower.

That I was going to clean the past seven days of depression, suicidal thoughts, blood and regret off my body with hot steaming water.

Why? Because I felt as if I was finally worth it.
Like I finally deserved it.

But quickly that changed. The feeling of worth- the slither of any self confidence that I had flew away out of my window leaving me with nothing but cold wet me.

I changed into self loathing and a wish for death.
But my smile never changed on my face. I had to be happy for the people surrounding me.

I want to be happy- but I can't be.
I can't be happy with who I am or what I look like.
I can't enjoy where I am in life or what I'm doing.
At least not today.

But I will achieve it.
At some point I will.
But today... is just not that day,