My Poems

My fear

TRIGGER WARNING ⚠️
Talking about ED and personal struggle
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Fear- a word that can be put with anything and it will sound scary.

Fear is something that you would find scary or something that you don't know why but you just don't like it.

Some people call them phobias and others will call you a pussy.
For example there is arachnophobia- fear of spiders that is a genuine fear that is highly relatable.

And no one will comment about it really.
But why is it that someone's fear of spiders is so easy to come by and not comment on but if I where to mention about some of my fears I am stupid?

For example I have a fear of weighing scales.
No not the actual weighing scales the numbers I hate numbers. Not all numbers just the ones that are shown on these stupid fucking screens.
Why am I scared of them? Well thank you other voice in this conversation.
I am scared because I don't want to be fat I don't want to look down and See that I've restricted my self daily that I've worked out hourly for nothing. That my binge effected everything I worked so hard on.

I also have a fear of food- not what's in them or if it can kill me
Just how high that number might be- or maybe if before eating it I don't check the numbers and it makes my body repulse against its self.

With these fears I will be criticised I will be told that I'm pathetic and stupid
But it's a fear so many other people have too!

But they are right..
I'm stupid I'm pathetic because I should just be able to eat that bread and butter? (100cal)
I should just be able to eat that packet of fucking crisps? (123cal)
I should be able to get on that weighing scale shouldn't I??? (Increasing numbers)
But I can't I'd rather starve than force it in