Mental

13

There were a few other students outside doing things since they finished breakfast earlier. Seokjin, Namjoon, Jimin, Hoseok, and Taehyung decided to all play games together outside to ease their nerves from the unpleasant news they received from Jungkook.

Jungkook wanted to join the games too, even if he didn't exactly feel right. "Will you play with us too?" Jungkook asked Yoongi, looking to his direction.

"Ah.. no thanks. I'll just be over here.." Yoongi shook his head a bit, walking away from Jungkook and going off in a corner outside, sitting on the cement long bench. He watched as Jungkook went off to join the others, starting to play the game his hyungs were playing.

Yoongi sighed and tiredly watched the other boys from afar. He felt like he never even had been to bed. He didn't sleep well at all with his hangover yesterday. He decided to turn around and face the brick wall, seeing if he could possibly nap some..?

He slowly let his eyelids drift shut, resting his head against the bricks. The loudness coming from other students prevented himself from falling asleep. Damnit. Yoongi just felt mentally and physically exhausted. He shouldn't have drank that much alcohol on Saturday. He shouldn't even be drinking while still being a high schooler anyways.. but whatever. It helped him cope with pain.

He knew if any of his friends found out he was.. maybe an alcoholic that they'd lose their shit. Guess that meant he should keep his mouth shut about the drugs he had too. There was no way in hell he was sharing his drugs with anyone in this school. Yoongi made buddies with people around the streets while trying to find a place to live, and they gave him drugs.

Sometimes Yoongi would take drugs everyday. Other times he'd take them twice a week or maybe even once every three months. Just depended on his mood.

Yoongi really was messed up, wasn't he? He didn't want to share anything about his personal life with his friends. None of them had been to his apartment. None of them knew about his sexuality. None of them knew about anything. He was getting lost in his thoughts, he was starting to get overwhelmed again— until he heard someone start to come up behind him.

"Hyung..?"

Yoongi immediately recognized the voice. It was Jungkook. The younger's voice was so sweet... and gentle.

Yoongi just started getting teary eyed, hearing the one simple word coming from Jungkook's mouth. He couldn't do this anymore. He couldn't. "Jungkook...?" Yoongi spoke loud enough for Jungkook to hear, but his voice was quiet. He just began crying, quickly hiding his face in his hands.

Jungkook was a bit hesitant, but he slowly sat down beside Yoongi and frowned. "Hyung...? What's wrong..?" He asked, staring.

So many things were wrong.

Yoongi lifted his head up from his hands, looking at Jungkook. The younger boy's look was concerned but, very soft. Jungkook just wanted to know what was wrong, he was scared when Yoongi started crying out of no where. He knew the older boy never cried... well, at least in front of people. So he knew something must have been really wrong then.

Yoongi couldn't contain himself anymore, he quickly grabbed the younger boy and held him close, hugging him so tightly with tears pressing out of the corners of his eyes. Jungkook's eyes were so wide, he /never/ thought Yoongi would hug him like this. Despite everything they went through, Jungkook quickly hugged back.

Yoongi felt his heart break. Jungkook hugged back so fast. It made Yoongi's crying more harsh. He missed this. He missed hugging Jungkook. The feeling. The feeling of happiness, he missed it.

"I-I... Jungkook.. I-I'm so s-sorry..." Yoongi started speaking, stuttering because of how bad he was crying. "I'm so sorry for shutting you out.. a-and being so cold to you.... and hurting you. I can't be this w-way anymore.." Yoongi couldn't really breathe, he felt like he was going to have a panic attack at any moment. "I can't imagine how you've felt for the past couple o-of years.. I hate myself more each day by being this way-" Yoongi choked on a few of his tears, hyperventilating a bit.