Kangst for the Soul

15

I don't own Voltron or the song.

Tw for blood, a lot of it.

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Finding refuge in my own lies
"How are you?"
"I'm doing alright"

(Lies, it was always a lie that he told. If only they knew about the late nights and early mornings, the scars, the cuts, the screams. But the did know, they would tie him down and watch him scream, laughing as he begged to be let out. But he deserved it, right? It's all his own fault. He should of gone back. Should of tried to help.)

Just let me be just let me be
Let me be, okay

(He hated it, the secret glances behind his back, the hissed words designed to hurt. He just wanted to actually smile for once. Not the fake one that he gave them. The worst thing was theat they knew. They all knew how fake he was, but that's fine, they just gave him fake honeyed words to make the pain that more jagged when they finally decided to stop playing.)

No one knows what goes on up inside my head
There's a new kind of poison and it's starting to spread

(He tried to tell them about the shadow, the voices. They all just laughed and told him to go away. He didn't deserve their company they told him. He did as he was told and tried not to scream when it attacked him, jamming knife after knife in between his shoulder blades. It was worse when they watched. The laughter as he screamed. Why was he so weak?)

They don't think I need help
But I'm scaring myself
I just want to be okay

(Waking up was getting harder, what was the point when he has unwanted. They never failed to remind him that he was a mistake, an abomination. He tried to tell someone but they just laughed and told him to go away. Told him he wasn't worth their time. That shadow just got bigger and bigger)

All the voices in my head are coming to life
They're getting louder and I'm, I'm terrified
How do you run from your own mind?
Is this what I've become?
Take it back what have I done?

(He starts forgetting what he's doing, mishearing others, they scream at him and hit him. He tries to tell they why but they don't believe him, the shadow's whispered words grow louder with each punch, each kick. He wants to scream, beg for it to stop but a sick part of him thinks he deserves this, it's their revenge for him leaving Shiro behind.

I didn't think the antidote was in my hands
I can change my plans I can change my plans
I tried to find my reflection on the glass
But all I ever saw were the things I lacked
All the smudges on the mirror made me go insane
All I ever thought I was
Was a mistake

(He knew what he had to do, it was right in his hands. Hand's that shook badly and made him spill the precious liquid, but every time he lifted his hands to drink he'd see Shiro, and the older man would be so disappointed in him. The look of disappointment hurts more than everything else. Instead he goes back to the mirror, always back to the mirror where the shadow stands before him, telling him what he really was; monster, fake, stupid, worthless. The list went on and the words eventually imprinted themselves onto his body, a forceful reminder of his lower status.)

Now he hangs in front of a mirror, glazed, broken and dull eyes staring sightlessly ahead. Blood runs in streams from cuts on his wrists, ribs, hips, anywhere there's skin there's blood. The only unmarred place is his face, eyes wide in a mock recreation of childish innocence, dried tear tracks the only thing on the smooth skin.

(Shiro can only stand with his mouth agape, taking in just exactly what the BoM have done to his brother.

A look around the room reveals the container with the used syringes, the table with bloodied restraints, the blood on the floor, growing steadily from the origin underneath the broken boy. A flickering screen sits in the corner, when it's on, the BoM scientist explains what the new drug does to it's victims.

(Lance can't watch them, he's crying too much, hearing his boyfriend beg for the pain to stop makes everything worse, but the pitiful whimpers after the drug leaves his system is what breaks him. Keith should never have to sound like that.)

Another screen show's what the hallucinogen made him see, next to it a stack of detailed documents detailing what they did to 'the subject', each one progressively worse.

(Pidge can only read one before she breaks down, wailing into Matt's shoulder and cursing herself for not cracking the code sooner, not finding there paladin sooner, maybe then he would be alive.)

It's Matt who cut's the ties holding Keith to the ceiling, laying him on the floor. Blood pools under him immediately, but Lance just shuffles closer, flinching at how skinny Keith is, but shaking it off and laying his head on his lap and tenderly running his fingers through his hair as he apologises in broken words. Pidge gathers the documents together, promising herself that she'll burn them when they get back, ensure that no one gain's anything from them. Shiro goes on a rampage, screaming in japanese and breaking things while he cries. The mirror get's smashed to peices, the bloody wall's dented and the tables destroyed. When he's done he falls to his knees and screams. Matt takes responsibility, biting his lip against his own sobs as he closes indigo eyes, eyes that would never open again.

With Keith, they were strong, united, an unstoppable force, now there fire has gone, been extinguished, and there's nothing left to save.

Keith wasn't coming back this time.

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Well then.

Incase anyone get's confused. This is an AU where Keith disappears on a mission for the BoM. He's kidnapped by scientists and experimented on with a drug that makes people see their worse fear. He's there for months, slowly going insane before Voltron find him. The scientists panic and kill Keith, leaving him and the documents fir Voltron to find.