Faking a smile

Keeping a secret?

*ALLYS POV*
The tour is going great ! It's the 3rd week into the tour and I have to say I'm so blessed to be able to experience this with my best-friends. God is good. The tour bus is so funny with the girls. It's difficult but I wouldn't change it for the world! It's so amazing to be able to become a better person with them and watch them become the best person that they can be. We are all so happy and this is a great time in all of our lives. I am so thankful for everything in my life.

*LAURENS POV*
I can't escape them. They won't stop. I'm drowning in the darkness and my demons are the ones dragging me down. Every night dragging the piece of metal across my skin has become a daily routine. I don't know what to do anymore. Cam started to notice I wasn't eating so I have to eat now. It doesn't stay down though. Ahaha I can't let myself get even fatter. All the other girls are so perfect, so happy. Why did I have to be so fucked up.. When did it even start?

*FLASHBACK*
"Lauren! Hey lauren! I have some food for you ! Come and get it fatty" the meanest girl in the school, Lacey Haids called at me from the bottom of the hallway.
My palms became sweaty,my legs moved quicker. As I ran down the hallway, I could hear Lacey's gang running after me. All the little girls and boys pointed and laughed at me. I'm only six years old how could people be so nasty to me. How do I fix it? I turned the corner into the abandoned toilet and Locked the door. Mommy said she would always protect me. She's not protecting me now. I don't want the pain anymore I want the bullies to stop. I want the little voices in my head to stop. One time I heard the older girls talking about how they like to cut themselves on purpose because they where feeling upset. They said that "it helps loads and everyone's doing it now !" I'm sad now ? So why don't I hurt myself on purpose ? I got my scissors from my bag and pushed the edge into my arm then slid it across with a lot of pressure. It made dots a blood and I wiped it off. It did help a lot actually. I hope mommy won't be mad that I hurt myself. I just won't tell her.

*END OF FLASHBACK*

Nobody new I got bullied. Nobody new I cut.
Nobody would ever no, until I kill myself of course. Ugh I hate life.
"Lauren? Why are you crying" a calming voice shocked me out of my thoughts and I looked up into mani's eyes.
"W-what?" I stuttered
"You've been crying lauren now tell me why. You never cry your so strong what's wrong I'm wor-"
I cut her off
"Oh,no I just had a bad dream after my nap and woke up crying. Haha I'm such a twat" I laughed trying to hide my pain.
"Aww I got really worried! I thought like lauren doesn't cry? HAHAHA you're a boss ass bitch" normani giggled.
"Yea Ahaha anyway, we doing the livestream now?"
Quickly changing the subject
"Yea it's all set up in the sofa area,let's go on in"

After two hours of answering fans questions and hanging out with the girls,It was time for bed and I couldn't wait to get rid off my food and cut my pathetic worthless skin.
"Night" ally shouted
"Night"i replied
"Night" dinah replied
"Night"mani replied
....
"Cam" it worriedly called her
No answer
"Mila"
No answer
"KARLA CAMILLA CABELLO" I shouted
"What"she replied wth? Is she deaf
"Goodnight?"
"Night"
After waiting half an hour I snuck out and as I twisted the bathroom handle ..
"What are you doing lauren"
Shit. Camila heard me.
"I'm going the toilet" I replied making her feel like she asked a stupid question
"You went half an hour ago. How can you need it again you haven't even drank anything"camila questioned. Why was she on my case. I began to get nervous.
"Can ask my fucking bladder why I need the toilet?"
I snapped
"Lauren.. You're not going the toilet" cam replied firmly.
I face palmed my face and before I knew it camila was at the bathroom door blocking my entrance.
"Move."
"I'm not moving lauren"
"Camila,I have to pee"
"Do you lauren? Do you really have to pee?"
"WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM MOVE OUT THE WAY OF THE FUCKING DOOR BEFORE I MOVE YOU MY FUCKING SELF I HAVE TO PEE" my voice rose and I must have been really scary because camilas eyes became glossy and bright.
"No no no I'm sorry don't cry, come with me let's go sit down" I walked past the kitchen shutting the door and into the lounge area also shutting the doors between the kitchen and the driver.
"Why are you crying? I didn't mean to shout I just got annoyed I'm sorry cam please stop crying please" I begged
He looked down at the floor and twiddled with her fingers nervously. I could tell she had something on her mind.
"What is it baby girl? Come on tell me ? I'm your Bestfriend?" I reassured her
"You didn't tell me" she was so quite and her voice broke. Her whimpers broke out after she spoke.
"What didn't I tell you?" okay now I'm nervous,
"I tell you everything cam your my ride or die!!" I tried to make a joke but she still cried.
shit
"Lauren,what's wrong with you? I hate seeing you like this. The others might not realise but I do. Before we didn't see each other for two months, you seemed perfectly happy. Something must have happened it the two months? Why won't you tell me. What happened to my Bestfriend who stayed up all night with me On tumblr eating pizza and cuddling while watching Netflix. What happened to my Bestfriend that did crazy shit with me? What happened to lauren my thunder buddy? My partner in crime? My protecter ?"
I could tell my camilas tone that she was angry but so desperate for the old lauren back. I was too.
"Camila listen I'm fine! I prom-"
"NO!DONT SAY YOUR'E FINE AND DONT YOU DARE FUCKING PROMISE ME THAT! HOW CAN I TRUST YOU NOW?I KNOW YOUR'E NOT FINE AND YOU WAS JUST GOING TO FUCKING LIE TO MY FA-"
My lips reached hers. I don't know what I was thinking. It wasn't our first kiss and it won't be our last. As we touched, I felt fireworks burst in my belly and butterfly's starting to whizz round. I wanted her so bad. My hand drew up and down her thigh and she had both hers around my neck. The kiss started to get heated and then we .. Broke apart.
"I'm sorry cam I'm such a fucking idiot I know from the last kiss you told me you didn't like me in the way but" I apologised
"No. That kiss. Was different. Lauren? I missed you so much over the two months I realised.. I really love you ... A lot like in the relationship way love. But I never thought you'd feel the same. Every night I stayed up late wanting you to come and cuddle me like you used to but you never did ? So one night I went to your bunk and you wasn't there. I went to the toilet and heard you vomiting.. And sobbing then murmuring to yourself " I fucking hate myself" "can you just leave me alone" "I'm not crazy" "I've made enough cuts now get out off my head" you self harm lauren .. And I knew you was keeping a secret. You're also bulimic AND anorexic. I've been watching you carefully. I know lauren there's no going back now. No more lies.
I was stunned. My jaw was hanging low and no words would come to mind. My secret is out. To one person I never wanted to find out. She was so serious and I'd never seen her this way before.
"Roll up your sleeves"
I was to tired to fight and I didn't like this side of camila, I was kinda scared, so I obeyed her.
Her face went white,her eyes went cold. We both stared down at my left arm that was traced with pinkish cuts, fresh from last night and other cuts beginning to scab and scars. The first portion of my wrist was covered in thick and thin cuts and scars. I never noticed how many there was. Scars over scars over cuts of cuts over scars. Hundreds of them. I suddenly felt warm arms around me and we fell asleep on the sofa,together..