Faking a smile

Fear

* LAURENS POV*

"LAUREN GET OUT" camila screamed at me as my ex and my bestfriend lay naked in a bed next to each other. My mouth dropped. I cant believe this. They literally just met. My heart is officially broken. I have nothing else left of my life. I give up. I really give up.

"Uh urm s-sorry" i stuttered as i ran out of the room and into mine. I was soon followed by camila who was either butt naked or grabbed something to cover her up. She banged on my door. Repetitively. Very loudly. She screamed out my name. She begged. She even said i love you. At this point i had slid down the door tears down my face. I was also choking on my cries but she wouldnt be able to hear me over her screams.

"Camila clearly we shouldnt be happening im just gonna stay in a hotel tonight ill call lauren or you tomorrow or something" i heard my bestfriend quickly say to camila in a slightly pissed tone. I didnt hear camilas answer but her screams slowly turned into soft cries as her body also slid down the door.

"Lauren.." Her soft tone broke

"Im sorry.." She whispered.

"I dont know why i allowed that to happen. Im hurting to. I dont know how to deal without you. I -" her voice got quieter as i entered the bathroom. I grabbed the piece of metal and again sat back down by the door. I sliced at my wrist as camilas voice carried on. I wasnt concentrating on her words, just the pain in my heart and now the physical pain on my wrist.

"Im proud of you lauren, i'm happy that you're happy without me im urm happy that you, well you seem well and you're eating better and you're happier. Without me. But you see, thats different for me because as you recover and become happy, i become sadder. Your recovery has been so much better without me in your life and that hurts. All i want is for you to be happy but now that im not... I'm jealous. I wanted to feel loved. Thats why i fell for zoe and we did that. I wanted to feel some sort of love. I was wrong. I was really wrong. I broke up with you. I need you to be happier and better but you are. Now i have no chance in getting you back. So i'm gonna leave im sorry.." Her words ended but she hadnt left. I think she lay on the floor because i could still hear her soft crying. I walked into the bathroom and climbed into a hot bath.

~

I woke up in my bath. Fresh cuts stinging and my fat body on view. What happened last night ? I dont remember. I climbed out of bed and checked my phone.

1:23 am

24 missed calls from zoe

Ah. I remember now. I threw on a jumper and some leggings and walked down stairs with my dripping hair. I walked into the kitchen as everyones eyes turned to me.

"Good morning" demi smiled

"Nope. Bad morning. Shit morning actually. Anyway, i'm going out-

"Urm sorry lolo we have a vma rehearsal.." Ally informed me

"Cameras recording for the awesomenessTV episode right?" I asked

"Yea.?" Dinah questioned

"Urm im not feeling cameras today?" I told them honestly

"Lolo i'm sorry you REALLY have to go to this, i mean COME ON ITS THE VMAS!!!!" Normani screamed and i smiled showing some excitement.

Through the whole morning camila sat with her head down. I really wonder how hard shes gonna find it to put on a happy act for the camera i mean i have to do it everyday!

~

I literally stayed away from the cameras but surprisingly camila didnt. Shes very convincing. That scares me.

~

I poured the vodka down my throat and inhaled the drug. Everything was blurry and crazy. I felt a sharp pain in my vein in my arm. But i just took another puff. Again i drank from the bottle and stood up. Everything was spinning and i started choking on something. Theres was colours everywhere and i started to run. I was laughing but chocking. Still drinking and smoking i carried on running. He vodka missed my mouth and it came up again. Flashes in my face and loud noises surrounded me. I pushed through leaves as they grabbed onto me. I fell over and as i opened my eyes i was in my old room. Back at home. Zoe was hiding in the corner as her mom hit her over and over again. She stormed out screaming very familiar words. I quickly blocked the door with the desk and pulled zoe in for a hug. I poured her a drink, which turned out to be vodka mistaken as water. Zoe cried and hid under her bed. I knew she was bleeding,So i bled too. I closed my eyes. As they opened once again it was black. Not black but dark. I was covered in sick. I rubbed at my head discovering blood. A bottle of empty vodka lay next to me. I lay in a pool of vodka mixed with sick. I also found a joint in my hand. What the hell is happening. I got up and stumbled all over the place, the same familiar feeling flooded over me. Suddenly i was at the door of demis house and i walked in. Demis angry face greeted me but in the last split second of my sight her face flushed with fear and hurt..

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(A/N) confused ?! This is a very short,confusing chapter i know im sorry but just try and imagine what you think happened just then. Youll find out in the next update on either FRIDAY SATURDAY OR SUNDAY! Havent updated in a while so i gave you a double update. Anyway hope you're enjoying it and yea VOTEEEE !! Love you wonderfuls 💘💎