Faking a smile

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*LAURENS POV*

I ran into my room,locked my door and grabbed my laptop from my dressing table. I ran into the bathroom,also locking the door, and logged onto twitter.

@laurenjaureui: you can never be yourself in this world anymore 😒 SAD LAUREN 😔

Instantly my mentions blew up from beautiful harmonisers telling me they love me and asking what's wrong.

@jauregui5h: @laurenjauregui what's wrong princess ? 😞👑

@laurenjauregui: @jauregui5h never being able to be your true self is hard but yea

@jauregui5h: @laurenjauregui well we will always love you no matter what 😜

@laurenjauregui: @jauregui5h thank you so much, I love you too ❤️

I read through my mentions coming across some haters;

Fat

No one wants you here lauren

You're so ugly Ew

Fat

Fat

Fat

Ugly

Kill yourself

I haven't read hate since before the coma, and I just can't seem to deal with this. My parents left me because I'm such a fuck up, my boyfriend almost beat me to death because I'm selfish and worthless. Camilas probably only with me because she feels sorry for me. Everyone makes it so clear that I'm fat and ugly and I might as well kill myself.

I closed my laptop and walked over the my cupboard and pulled out my blade that was hidden at the back. I rolled up my sleeve and slashed my arm over my scars.

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My arm was covered in blood and I realised I had just covered the length from the bottom of my hand to start of my elbow. I didn't care though. I wasn't finished. I deserved more pain. I dragged the blade across my right arm and again made more cuts,less deeper than on my left arm.

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I then went to my thighs and cut over and over again until the floor and my body was covered in blood. It made me feel a bit better.

You are still fat lauren

The voice whispered and I gave in straight away, sticking my fingers down my throat and throwing up over and over again until only blood came out.

That's better. You can be beautiful now

The voice sniggered

BANG BANG BANG

"LAUREN LET ME IN NOW" camila screamed

I then realised she heard everything my sobbing, my throwing up.

"Lauren LET ME IN"

BANG

the banging from my bedroom door turned into banging on bathroom door. Shit. She got in and if he gets in here she'll see me in my underwear with blo-

"LAUREN!" She screamed as she ran towards me

"Get away from me camila please get away!"

"Demi!! Quick !!" Camila shouted and Demi ran in within seconds

Her mouth dropped.

"Fuck lauren, you got yourself into a real mess haven't you ?" Demi said

"Get away from me leave me alone !!"

The rest of the girls ran in and stopped asif they had seen a ghost. Camila was trying to get me up as Demi turned on the shower.

"I need you to let go of me" I shouted at camila

"No lauren. I can't believe this. Your loosing so much blood. Look at the mess you've made." She sighed

"I-I don't care"

I looked over to the other girls, who where still stood in shock as the watched camila drag me across the bathroom.

"Please let me go"i cried but camilas grasp only got stronger.

I looked at her and I felt a sense of defeat. I climbed into the bath without her forcing me and carried on staring In her eyes as Demi grabbed my arms and covered me in water from the shower head. I was stuck in a trance. I could hear everyone talking so loudly I could hear the girls whispers so loud. I bet I looked like a mad women. I looked at Demi, pulling my eyes from camila. Demi looked so sad. Like I was her daughter and this killed her to wash all this blood of me. She didn't make eye contact with me and I could tell her heart was breaking. Why did I have to do this to everyone I love. Why would I let them see me in such a mess.

***

After the whole 'blood' scene, Demi cleaned me up and then I demanded they left. I got into a stable state of mind I realised what happened and got super embarrassed. I then found a massive hoodie that came down to my knees and climbed Into bed. I popped my sleeping tablet in my mouth, okay maybe two, okay three I took three sleeping tablets and soon dazed out and into the safe world of sleep. Dreading tomorrow and having to face everyone...

***

*NORMANIS POV*

I can't believe the state lauren was in last night. Finding out she self harmed was difficult,but seeing her in such a mess was painful. When she does these things, she's not only hurting herself,but she's hurting both me,the girls and Demi. I wish we could just help her.

*DEMIS POV*

We finally go lauren in a better state at about 9pm. I sat outside her room for an hour,listening and making sure I couldn't hear anything unusual. From what it sounded like,she got into her pyjamas and soon fell fast asleep. I gathered she was fine, but double checked her at 11pm and I found a packet of sleeping tablets on her side with three missing. I just want to help her. After last night, I've started to get really worried.

Anyway it's 10am and I'm up making breakfast for everyone. All the girls are in love with pop tarts and pancakes so I decided to make some on them. The first person to wake up was camila. She's an early bird and always walks downstairs looking all cute and cuddly with a massive smile on her face. Then ally, skipped into the kitchen laughing and explaining her dream. Normani walked in, with a big bed head and smiling. Next is usually lauren,but she didn't come down. After about 10 minutes, dinah literally dragged herself in the kitchen, yawning,rubbing her eyes, and stretching.

"Where's Lolo?" Dinah asked in the middle of a yawn.

"Still in her room, she hasn't came down yet" I informed dinah

dinah instantly woke up and her face froze.

"I just checked everywhere upstairs for her, then thought she would be down here ?" Dinah frowned

everyone jumped up, and searched the house for lauren,screaming out her name.

Lauren was no where to be found.