Faking a smile

Untouchable

*LAURENS POV*

I woke up with banging headache. Everything was blurry for a while. An I tried to focus on where I was. I sat up, feeling dizzy and faint. My vision began to come back and I could clearly see I was in my bedroom. All of a sudden, the familiar feeling in my stomach began to rise up to my throat and I ran to the toilet pulling my head back. I threw up, making my headache feel even worse. I dropped to the floor, sat there for a while until I got up and walked to the mirror. I splashed my pale face, and brushed my teeth.

I can't seem to remember anything of what happened last night. All I remember was throwing a drink over Brooklyn, the party host. After throwing up,I took a headache tablet and started to feel a lot better. I walked down stairs, dreading facing everyone. It's now 1pm. I walked into the kitchen, as they are always there in the morning. To my surprise, they wasn't say in the kitchen, watching TV and eating there breakfast. Where the hell are they ? I carried on walking around checking all the rooms. The last room I came to was Demi's soundproof studio. I opened the door and they all shot me a glare and stopped there conversation.

"Oh alright, yanno if you're going to talk about me, say it to me face" I stubbornly turned away and went to walk out.

"No lauren wait" Demi's voice called back after me

"Lauren? We need to break up" camila whispered

"Wh- why wait no camila I was going to make it up to you I promise I knew I shouldn't have shouted the other day and we was getting better! Why do you want to break u-"

"You don't remember do you ?"

"Remember what?"

Demi stood up and lead me back into the room to sit down.

"Yesterday afternoon, you left an interview to go to a party? Right that was about 3pm? You called for me to get you at about 1am. You kissed a girl called Abby, and when I asked who she was you said your girlfriend-"

"I WAS DRUNK ?! How is that my fault of course she's not my-"

"Exactly. You was drunk. You can't keep doing this to yourself Lauren it's not healthy" Ally butted in.

"No, okay Camila can we go talk on our own? Please ?" I begged. I can't let my only happiness slip away from me. I just can't let we go.

We walked into Camila's bedroom and she sat on her bed and I walked back and forth rubbing my head.

"Babe"

"No. Don't call me babe Lauren." Cam snapped back at me

"Look,I just don't know how to make this up to you. Whatever I did last night, was because I was drunk. I regret it and I wish that I could take all my mistakes back. See the thing is, you make me happy. I tend to push people away, not because I don't want them in my life but because I feel I don't deserve them, and I really don't deserve you. I'll fight for you mila just pl-"

"No. Lauren I can't. I can't be with you anymore. You're not going to change my mind, I just can't put up with you when you're in this state. I love you, I do very much. But how do you expect me to love you and show that love and respect when you can't even do that for yourself ?" A tear rolled down camilas cheek,she quickly wiped it away.

"Is there anything I can do?"

"I think you need to decide that yourself. I think this is what Simon and LA Where Afraid of. They knew if we broke up the fans would notice. I just can't pretend anymore. It's been to difficult."

"So, what are we going to do? The fans will see the difference In our friendship?"

"Just stay away from each other." And with that she walked out. Leaving me. There. I ran into my bedroom, slammed the door shut and Locked it..

I grabbed my speakers, and plugged my phone in. I scrolled through my albums,stopping at Taylor Swift. I quickly turned 'Untouchable' on.

'In the middle of the night when I'm in the dream it's like a million little stars spelling out your name you've gotta come on come on say that we'll be together come on come on little taste of heaven..'

Usually, if I locked myself in my room, camila would be the first one to come running and banging on my door shouting at me to let her in. Where was she now ? She didn't care if I hurt myself, nobody did. Normani,dinah or ally wasn't even here. The worst thing is, Demi didn't come. She knows what in capable of and she knows how much mental pain I'd be in right now. She didn't even come to stop me. I grabbed my blade and suddenly felt the familiar sting I'd been longing for. I had nothing left. No one cared. How could they leave me to do that to myself? I climbed into bed, letting all my four Taylor swift albums play on repeat as I drifted of to sleep.