Faking a smile

Get better

*LAURENS POV*

"HEY LAUREN?! YOU READY?!" Camila shouted me

I was wearing a red and black flannel tied together with a leather skirt and doc martins.

"YESS !!" I shouted as i ran out my bedroom and through the door.

"You look smokkkin' lauren!!" Dinah laughed

"DINAH!! You cant say that, but thanks" i replied also laughing

"You guys exited to be meeting some fans?!" I asked them

"HELLA YES"mani replied

We arrived at the venue and we got into the m&g room.

The first fan to come in was small and had short blonde hair. Her mouth dropped when she saw me.

My first instinct was the hug her so i ran at her.

"LAUREN!! Ive missed you so much im so happy that you are out of treatment and im so proud of you and i didnt expect you to be here today and omg im so shocked!!" She began to cry

"Aww thank you so much i love you alot princess!!" I replied

After we took the photo, we said goodbye and greeted the next fan. It's so crazy seeing all these fans because you can really tell which ones are struggling with problems and all i want to do is help them through.

The last fan we met was tall,skinny and had scars up her arm. She had demis stay strong tattoo on her wrist. I grabbed her arm and kissed her scars.

"Stay strong princess, you are a beautiful warrior and i dont want to see any more of these battle scars okay? The fight is over now. Im taking away all of your pain. Its going to be okay, please dont harm yourself. Your face is so beautiful,i love you." I said the her and tears rolled down her eyes and she walked away.

Meeting fans that are struggling really opens up my eyes because id be nowhere without them. Im so thankful of them.

~

I logged onto twitter to see a link been tweeted to me. I clicked on it and to my horror,my girlfriend was there. Kissing a boy.

"Lauren jaureguis Girlfriend been seen kissing a boy in london?"

"Cheating?!"

I grabbed my phone and began to ring her up.

"KC?!" I snapped

"What lauren?"

"Whos this boy?! Are you cheating on me?"

"Look i can explain okay? I never expected this to happen. You are my idol, i feel in love with you but as a friend and then well everything else that happened between us i couldnt just say no?! Im really sorry i should never have let it get this far?! I never wanted to hurt you but, i have a boyfriend..im really sorry lau-"

i put the phone down. I thought i had found my true love. I thought we was going to be together forever. She was supposed to be a fan. She was supposed to care for me.

*no one cares lauren*

No. No. Go away.

*listen to us lauren*

Stop it.

*you got fat, thats why she cheated.*

"LEAVE ME ALONE!!" I yelled

*cut, go on. Just once.*

*purge, then youll be skinny*

*CUT*

*PURGE*

*CUT*

*PURGE*

"FUCCCCK" I grabbed my head.

This cant be happening. My demons cant be coming back. Im supposed to be better. I cant succumb to them. I CANT. I WONT.

*IT WILL MAKE IT BETTER LAREN*

*JUST CUT*

*PURGE LAUREN DO IT*

I broke. I was running to the toilet with my fingers already down my throat and once i reached the toilet, the sick came up. Then again,then again.

*thats better*

*we're your friends*

*cut*

"have i not done enough already?! Please be quite..." I mumbled

*just cut itll be fine*

I broke again. I grabbeda razor and stomped on it, braking the blades out. My hands trembled as the blade got closer and closer to my skin. Do i really want this? Is this what i want to do ? Do i want to break my 2 months clean? Suddenly my hand became strong and the blade reached my skin and slid across. This is what ive wanted for so long. The familiar sting appeared and i broke down, realising what i had just done. When will it ever get better?! Will i ever be okay?!

_____________________________

(A/N)

Ive decided im gonna start uploading small chapters up into the ending chapter. Ive changed my ending idea and there wont be a sequel. Sorrrry.